I wouldn't call this a senryu, it's quite clearly a haiku.

I would reduce the amount of capital letters, and consider reducing the amount of adjectives and adverbs e.g.


paper-wrapped chips,
I sit on a beacon bench
while the sun sets

I love paper-wrapped chips, it's so evocative, good subject choice! ;-)

Alan

==========================
Tips about writing a Haiku
==========================

It's an urban myth that haiku have to be 5/7/5 English-language syllables.

If you do write them that way make sure your writing is natural.

Many traffic signs in Japan are 5/7/5 but they are certainly not haiku. ;-)

Think of a haiku as two parts, one line and two lines, doesn't matter
which order.

Use a subtle clue to suggest the season e.g.

cool morning
birdsong
light on a distant cloud

Alan Summers
1. Haiku Friends Vol. 3 Ed. Masaharu Hirata Osaka, Japan (2009)
2. Birdsong - a haiku sequence Together They Stood Poetry Now 2004 ISBN 1844607852
3. Azami Haiku in English Commemorative Issue 2000
4. Modern Haiku, USA Fall, October 1999

'cool' is a clue to the season. This clue is also known as a kigo, or season word. 'Cool' is a clue or season word suggesting Summer.

Sometimes the season clue can be obvious and even point to a specific day e.g.

allhallowmas...
the goblins go back
into their books

Alan Summers
1. The Haiku Calendar 2010 ISBN 978-1-903543-27-6 (November)
2. Haiku Friends 2 ed. Masaharu Hirata, Osaka Japan 2007


So remember to indicate the time of year with a seasonal clue, and that's your one line finished.

Next is the two line part otherwise known as the 'phrase'.

I prefer to write about something I've personally experienced, as it's also a great reminder, even years later, of what happend. e.g.

a girl’s laughter
in and out of nettlebeds
a cabbage butterfly

Alan Summers
1. Runner up Snapshot Press Millennium Haiku Calendar Competiton
2. Highly Commended 1997 Hobo Haiku International Competition, New South Wales, Australia
3. The Redmoon Anthology 1997 ISBN 0-9657818-5-2 Redmoon Press U.S.A.
4. Haiku International, Japan May 1997


'cabbage butterfly' suggests the time around Summer, and the girl's
laughter in the nettlebeds reminds me of a wonderful time in an inner-city farm.

Have a go yourself, it's easy, but remember to make the language sound
natural, especially if you do want to attempt 5/7/5.

Good luck!

Alan
With Words:
http://www.withwords.org.uk/what.html

Blog: http://area17.blogspot.com

.

Nice Senryu

Nothing so calms the spirit as making haiku.
I have a tiny suggestion. Because 'sitting' is a verb and 'burning' is an adjective, would you consider putting 'burning' quite shockingly as 'Red sun burning sets', instead of both present participles at the beginning of the line? Sometimes, it's just such a freedom of word placement that puts poetry into the stratosphere.