When I was seven

Chocolate was a rare treat.

We had pudding and cocoa

Once in a blue moon – 0000h -

And it made that meal – an occasion!

 

I had no concept of chocolates in a box,

In my mouth anyway.

I saw the bright packages in shop windows

And pictures in magazines -

All ribbons and gold and pretty shapes

As ethereal as fairies.

And that was it!

Probably a good thing.

 

But the bars ranged in display racks

Behind the store's cash counter

In bright 'SEE ME! BUY ME!' wrappers!

They were absolutely off-limits.

Still - every single time – I tried.

Something might have changed.

'Can I …....?'

'No.'

Not mean, just firm

And it never crossed my mind to fuss.

There wasn't much money in our family.

And the coupons' system was hard for everybody.

Sometimes Mummy's mouth would be a straight line

Like when I asked for a chocolate bar - AGAIN.

Not very pretty, even with lipstick.

 

So – back to my story -

One afternoon after School Club

I came home and went in through the back door.

My house was EMPTY!

No Mum, no sisters, no dog – NOBODY.

I wasn't worried – just - 'Where WAS everybody?'

This door opened into a tiny, enclosed porch

A do-all and catch-all space.

And that day, on the old wobbly table

Was a pan of warm BROWNIES

Right from the oven

Cooling down and smelling -

SMELLING - SMELLING - SMELLING -

And the aroma blew my mind!

 

Utterly enslaved

I went to the kitchen for a paring knife

And came back to cut 'just a tiny crumb',

A wee corner 'nobody would notice.'

That teensy taste was magical 

Filling my whole self with warm, sweet chocolate.

'Ooooh … Just a wee bit more. Another crumb.'

My senses were my Master.

WARM CAKE was THE WORLD!

 

And then, I 'came to'.

I stared with horror at the gaping hole.

A quarter of the pan was gone!

My fingers were sticky with crumbs

My mouth dry and sweet.

I was so shocked I started to cry.

I couldn't believe it!

Just as Mummy and my sisters walked in.

And there, dribbling with chocolate,

Was the 'BROWNIE MONSTER'!

 

Mum stared at me, expressionless.

My sisters looked shocked, even a bit scared.

WHAT WOULD MUMMY DO!

I was full of huge, helpless, salty  tears

Flowing into my mouth and off my chin.

Then my belly twisted

And I raced to the toilet to throw up.

NOBODY SAID ANYTHING! NOTHING!

But I don't think they felt sorry for me.

Well, Mum said, 'Flush the toilet!'

 

She called me when supper was ready.

I didn't have any more brownie from that treat.

My decision!

But nobody pulled the pan away

Or looked cross-eyed at me.

Nobody was mean.

I never loved anybody so much in my life

As my mother and my sisters that day.

Mum never – ever - referred to 'the episode'.

 

What had POSSESSED me!

It was a startling situation

But I was wiser than I was the day before.

Experience is a good teacher.

Childhood is amazing, isn't it?

Cynthia Buell Thomas, July, 2019