Have you ever asked why? Questioning things, you have done or didn’t do? We come into the world with very limited knowledge. We hope we learn the tools we need to survive, but in most cases, this isn’t the case. We struggle with choices and make mistakes that seem to rock our world. When we are young, we think we have all the answers only we do not. Hopefully, the mistakes we make are fixable.

Today’s poem is about my life regarding the person who makes the choices.  I struggled to make the right choices and sometimes the lesson was a hard one. We let so many things, good and bad influence and dictate our choices. Leaving home at 15 from molestation, I didn’t have the tools I needed to make healthy choices. I made terrible choices by inexperience and it cost dearly.

There was this shadow around me. I always wondered what this shadow was. Alter personality from my childhood, maybe? Looking back now with age and experience. I come to understand we all have this shadow in us. It’s a defense mechanism. It protects us in ways we can’t.

A Shadow of Myself

I stumbled through my life,

Questioning every step, I made.

Not knowing the consequences

Of the choices I had made.

Many years have quickly slipped away,

Leaving only memories of a foggy yesterday.

Dealing with the everyday challenges.

I prayed for strength in every which way.

Faithful friends know my strength in spirit.

Family only reminded me of my faults.

Walking through life with inner anger.

I always felt somewhat more than lost.

We all walk a private journey,

Others only seeing an outer shell.

It’s the shadow of our spirit

In our soul where the shadow dwells.

So only a Shadow of Myself,

Knows why I did it this way.

That part of me that knows better,

Is that part of me that hides away

The shadow of ourselves,

Is the part of us we hide.

Hoping, and praying,

No one will ever look inside.