and i begin to fade
the world
when I'm alone
loses it's color
without you
and i begin to fade
Comments
I have been remiss in not responding to this earlier Eiren.
To me the art of poetry is being able to put what you want to say into as few words as possible. This a skill. You have this skill.
Tiu Dragonfly, thank you for your comment and I am so pleased my words touched you and that you were able to share such a moment of connection with the rest of us. So moving and filled with love.
Devon, I listened to that song and loved it! Thank you for introducing me to a singer that surely will become a staple in my playlists going forward! Lovely!
e. xxx
Thank you Eiren, for (at the perfect moment) once again proving that 'so Much' can be given with few words!
Awesomly done!
When I read it out to my husband (and closest friend) he looked me straight in the eyes and said "That's how i feel about you!"
Devon Brock
Sat 24th Aug 2019 16:36
Eiren,
I heard this tune today on the radio this morning and it reminded me of your poem. Enjoy.
https://www.stereogum.com/2055689/joan-shelley-the-fading-video/video/
D
Thank you Dorothy, I appreciate the feedback. Your comments always make me smile. ?
Devon, I had not considered the angle on solitary confinement, but you are so right, it really does apply as much there as with the general meaning you mention first, which was my intention, the broader human scope as well as the singular experience of lovers.
Thanks for taking the time to comment, it's always appreciated.
e. xxx
Devon Brock
Sat 24th Aug 2019 12:23
Eiren,
Contained within this poem, whether you intended it or not, is a very broad statement on human interdependence, the necessity of contact that defines our species. Without it, we fade. It also alludes tothe barbarous cruelty of solitary confinement. That is just my interpretation, of course. But that is the beauty of poetry. Very well done
D.
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Eiren Water
Thu 29th Aug 2019 11:09
Don, thank you for the generous compliment, I appreciate your encouragement and critique!
While I don't always feel that poetry needs to be this short and concise, sometimes that is how it reveals its intent. Other times I feel like I am spewing out endless lines and still have a hard time understanding exactly what it is trying to express. I have no solid preference or opinion of which is better, I just know they both work in their own time and space to get the thoughts and feelings across for me so I respect both equally. I love to read short simple poems, but also love a long ballad style poem when I have time to focus on it.
My poems tend to reveal themselves to me as I type them, and it is unusual for me to interfere with their messages by way of editing or "improving" once they have been released from my overactive mind, so it means a lot to hear others whose work I respect give their (your) opinions. I am so grateful to all who take the time to do so here.
I'm rambling and I imagine it is only to myself. ?
e. xxx