So like I was telling you, I’ve always considered myself as something of a MOTW but recent events have shown that even I can always find something new to learn.

Take Ben.  He’s just started working on a cow farm and he was telling us about how the cows were inseminated. 

“By the bull” I hear you say; and, strictly speaking, you’d be right.  But not normally by the farmer’s bull.

See, he buys sperm in.

“Why?” you’re thinking.  Well, because ‘home’ seed results in insularity and, ultimately, weakened stock.  You see this in Norfolk.

Conversely, he sells his own bull’s sperm to other farmers.

“So how does he collect the sperm?” You’re wondering.

“By hand?” asks Our Gert optimistically, sensing a new career opportunity.

Well, Yes and No is the answer.  Certainly he doesn’t require the services of the Knottingley Jerky Girls; rather a vet does it and not by bovine masturbation but sticking his arm up its arse and tickling its prostate.

Well I’m blowed!  All these years wasted in unnecessary foreplay when a chap could obviate all that nonsense and simply have his walnut rubbed.