All I want is harmony in my life. Why can’t I get it? Why aren’t I deserving of it?

Did I ask for this unjust in my life, did I bring it upon myself to grieve such deadly sorrows?

I want harmony. I want to feel joy. I want my heart to feel love and my face to feel joy. My heart carries on to feel sorrow, to feel loss and brokenness.

I haven’t felt joy, a feeling of being with joy for a long time. I can no longer remember. I have moments of laughter and moments of achievement, but is this joy? Is my heart healed with these fleeting moments?