Come into the gloaming
where the shadows are long.
Be my companion in the half-light,
keep me safe.
Witness the skies
stuck in midway contemplation.
Watch as they roll forward in turmoil,
almost afraid of the day.
The sun dawns, cautious,
and in it's last flush of confidence
is birthed from the unsettled horizon.
Floodlit warmth is cast upon us.
The shadows are paling,
taking their threat with them.
Revealing the truth of their forms
as they recede, beaten.
Come into the morning
where the shadows are gone.
Bask in virtuous sunlight,
and set yourself free.
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Comments
<Deleted User> (6895)
Tue 13th Apr 2010 15:40
Blown away!absolute class Kath-Stef-X
This is beautiful Kathryn - seductive and melancholic even though the last stanza is full of promise (/reward). i really enjoyed.
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Antony Owen
Tue 13th Apr 2010 17:12
Good stuff Kathryn and I read this twice, the first as it is and the 2nd losing some of the linking words.(a slightly more tightened version).
I agree with the other comments and they're well deserved, your writing does connect and I really respect that.
The first stanza reeled me in and for the most part its consistent with images, tone, structure and conclusion. the longer words tripped up the flow a little I think and let me explain more what I mean by losing the linking words:
Line 7 you don't need roll and forward, roll does that anyway.
Line 8 I would be decisive and lose almost.
Line 11 you lose 'is' and the'
Line 16 you could lose 'as'
I'm always more critical to the poems I like and mean it as a compliment.