I saw your face after 8 months of absence

Could have avoided it by taking another path

But I pressed on

Faced the challenge

Saw your smile

And I felt nothing

No joy

No pain

No love

Only the regret that I gave you more than you ever deserved

 

I relived the moment a hundred times

I could have said so many things 

I could have taken the high road and be pleasant

As I pressed on, I didn't dare express any emotion

 

I sensed your presence before you ever saw me

I sensed your nearness every day since

I can’t be here without thinking of you

I get by and yet, I don’t

I try not to think about it

But you seep into the corners of my mind

Blast your presence 

Then slowly … fade away

 

Am I wasting all my words on you

Am I wasting all my energy into a void with no clear path through

To a place with no deep meaning or resolution

Am I doing all this for my own understanding

 

Thoughts collide from one piece of mind to another

This is all unknown to my existing lover

If these thoughts ever surface, I’d be in anguish

There’s a life he’s never known

So much left in the undertones

What is it that you’re thinking, he may ask

No, I’m not just tired 

I’m missing a love I’ve never had the pleasure of knowing

 

[2016]