also the spacing of the lines is clever. forgot to add that.

Comment is about SWEEPING THE YARD (blog)

Original item by ray pool

hi ray. this is fantastic. taking something so mundane and imbuing it with the depth and bombastic language of a historical battle is good writing indeed, and the last four lines take it from clever to powerful and humane. in my humble opinion this is the best thing you have written for a while (although i did love the 'matty groves' style love story.

Comment is about SWEEPING THE YARD (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Hello everyone!

I was so looking forward to visiting Marsden today, and had some work ready to read (must have got the performance bug last year!). However, I have been battling with a heavy cold for three days now, pretty unsuccessfully, and don't feel well enough to attend (and may not make WOL Stockport tomorrow evening?)
However, I had to smile this morning as I saw the reading on my perpetual calendar: Ecclesiastes 3 v 7 -
"There is a time to keep silence and a time to speak".
That is the absolute truth; the Lord really does have a sense of humour.
Have a great time today at Marsden!
Love, Dorinda x

Comment is about Stockport WoL (group profile)

Original item by Stockport WoL

this has got me rereading ATDI lyrics now. i'd forgot how good they were.

neutered is the vastness
hallow vacuum check the
oxygen tanks

genius.

Comment is about to drown (10/10/2015) (blog)

Original item by Zach Dafoe

its taken me three reads but im down with it. i dont know if you know/like him but this reminds me a lot of Cedric Bixler-Zavala's lyrics for ATDI and later The Mars Volta.

There are bits in this that i love, such as;

swollen veins gone vericose
herniated heroes turned adipose

milkfed on an authors' arm
drip-bled from a tourniquet

and

fuck each other ugly

which is genius.

Comment is about to drown (10/10/2015) (blog)

Original item by Zach Dafoe

HI Laura. Just wanted to let you know I have invoked the spirits of fire by lighting up the log burner for the first time this year - as it is bloody cold down here!

I shall watch compass north for smoke signals.


Ray

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

I like this JD - I like the title too - I like the way it moves from calm to chaos and leaves the day ruined for no real reason other than that's how it goes some days.

Comment is about Sway (blog)

Original item by JD DeHart

i liked this old poem so much i have rewritten it without the obvious influence of the lyricist jeff mangum. the previous version had quite a lot lifted from one of his songs, due to me listening to it at the time. it now has none of his words, just mine and is better for it, i think.

Comment is about spaghetti junction (rewrite) (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

there is something captivating about using so few words per line but filling each one with so much meaning and emotion. quite apart from the words, which are excellent and others have perfectly critiqued, i adore the minimalism of your work. taking the poem and pasting it into a word document with the text aligned to centre produces an almost crystalline drip of words and letters. it really is lovely. hope you dont mind that i did that by the way, far be it for me to alter someones work but i just wanted to see what happened. and it was good!

Comment is about Warrior (blog)

i like this a lot. the juxtaposition of language and intent works well and the whole thing is well written.

Comment is about A Metaphysical Poet's Lament (blog)

Original item by Marnanel Thurman

kinda like this New Poet - some nice images - I'd write it out different, short lines down the page but that's just me.

onimous - ominous

good luck with writing and posting.

Comment is about (blog)

Original item by New poet

Live every day like it's your last - I've tried it, you need a week at least!

Comment is about The future? (blog)

Original item by Ria Richardson

Brilliant Ria

Comment is about The future? (blog)

Original item by Ria Richardson

Love your writing Lynn

Comment is about Warrior (blog)

Well said Lynn. I like it a lot. I also like the sparseness of the words.
Nice one

Comment is about Warrior (blog)

Hi John. Thanks for the comment on Ye Old Protection Spell-you old rascal!

Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)

Original item by John Coopey

Hi Ray, thanks for your comments on The Old Crow-a poem I like and wonder about by turns. So putting it on here for feedback is helpful.

Comment is about ray pool (poet profile)

Original item by ray pool

I think this is an excellent three minutes worth

Comment is about porcelain (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

Graham, you will be very much missed at Marsden. At least let me take the opportunity to say how much we all appreciate the hard work you put in on Write Out Loud, in welcoming newcomers, raising important topics in the discussions, and trying to make sure everyone knows what's going on, inasmuch as any one of us does.

I am told a lot of Last of the Summer Wine was actually filmed in Marsden. I won't be drawn on who's who among the WOL team ...

Comment is about From Southbank to a slam up north - the road to Wigan on poetry's big day (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Thanks Greg!!

I read this......

For David and me, strolling along the canal from Marsden to Slaithwaite today, partaking of warm pork pie and mushy peas in the Cafe by the Canal, it's very much a Last of the Summer Wine kinda thing

..... and all I could think was about last year's meeting at JJ's and the fact that I can't make it this year. say hello to everyone from me.

By the way, were you Compo or Cleggie??

regards,

Graham

Comment is about From Southbank to a slam up north - the road to Wigan on poetry's big day (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

It was a great night - and well done you Greg for getting the review up so fast!

I loved all the performances but agreed with the overall winner, much as I'd have liked the fairy tale ending. Luckily for Eva, she's young and very talented - I'm sure she'll be on that podium one day!

I'm interested by Cynthia's question. I think too rapid a delivery CAN give you brain overload and make it harder for you to appreciate the nuances of the poetry and the cleverness in the use of language. There might have been occasional words that flew over me with Trev, but it didn't mask the cleverness of his poetry for me.

That being said there is definitely a place for the slower performance where you can really appreciate the weight of each well placed word. I suppose variety really is the spice of life!

What springs to my mind after a slam like this is how much the audience is influenced by sentiment and feelings. I think it will always be harder for a comic poet to win over the more weighty subjects - unless they are outstandingly clever in delivery and use of language. There should be special slams for comic poetry. What I liked about Trev's poetry is that it was light hearted and upbeat but with that little poignant twist that caught you. I do enjoy subtlety.

Congratulations to everyone who went into the slam - there were some stonking performances and many worthy winners. I so wish I'd been up there!

Comment is about From Southbank to a slam up north - the road to Wigan on poetry's big day (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Morning Judge ;) What a great night we had! No need to thank me - I think us poets are a community supporting each other - even if we don't individually realise it!

And it was good to see you looking so radiant! xxx

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

Cynthia, I have to tell you that David employed his hooter at least once on the previous slam night in Huddersfield. You are not alone!

Laura, our trip up for the slams was very much a spur of the moment, last-minute thing, after we had persuaded Julian that we wouldn't be too much of a nuisance. For David and me, strolling along the canal from Marsden to Slaithwaite today, partaking of warm pork pie and mushy peas in the Cafe by the Canal, it's very much a Last of the Summer Wine kinda thing - if that isn't too much of a northern stereotype ...

Comment is about From Southbank to a slam up north - the road to Wigan on poetry's big day (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Great three minutes worth, Stu, let out of the bottle of memory. Love uncorked. For me the first time was completely unmemorable, unlike your poem.

Comment is about porcelain (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

Just to say everyone who commented, that I am encouraged and grateful for the inspiring attention paid to it. There'll be no stopping me now ( I hope).

Comment is about ON THE MILLPOND BRIDGE (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Thanks Laura, I'm glad that Millpond Bridge was a good' un. I really tried to be precise and concise while keeping the atmosphere. People seem to like a tale .. maybe it's my metier.

xx

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Agree with the others - a fine story, poetically told. Nice work Ray!

Comment is about ON THE MILLPOND BRIDGE (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Yeh, I'm drawn to this too. Very good poem, the pace captures the feelings.

I remember those ads Stu. I always wanted to slap the stupid people though.

Comment is about Superman (blog)

Original item by Martin Elder

Saw you on telly last month - well done - and international too! Glad you were identified as a POET. When your face swam on-screen I yelped to my husband, 'Oh, my God! That's Jeff!' and we stopped everything to watch and listen.

Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)

Original item by Jeffarama!

Oh WELL DONE Eva!! You absolute star! That is fantastic! Trev's been going for years, so you played a proper blinder there girl - proud of you!! Keep going, you are a true poet, a real natural.

And Greg - I wish you'd told me you were coming to God's Own Country!

Cynthia - I got 'horned' out too at the last one I did. It was poor David Bradley and I swear I could have happily leaped off that stage and throttled him haha :D Course it was my own fault for doing pretty much what you did - getting so stuck into the performance that I simply over-ran. Never again. Slams are not for me. Can't stand the pressure or the competition, it is ruinous for my delivery.

Comment is about From Southbank to a slam up north - the road to Wigan on poetry's big day (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Now, Greg Freeman, you are too kind. I, Cynthia Buell Thomas, was the ONLY one 'horned' out. It was embarrassing, but I do know what happened. After countless practices to the beat of an egg timer, on stage I simply got caught up in the story and the audience's responsive faces, and possibly the flavour of my own words, and I lost sight of the end goal - TIME. So, now, I know better, and I shall compete again, a smarter participant, with a shorter poem - a faster tongue - and a new egg timer (just in case my current one is up to soft boil but not timing poetry to the nth second.)

Congratulations to the winners. I really enjoyed everyone's contributions.

I have one question, just out of interest. Does anyone else have a problem with remembering any special details of a rapid-fire delivery? Or is it just me? Maybe it's the same principle as tossing back a good whiskey instead of sipping a fine sherry.

Comment is about From Southbank to a slam up north - the road to Wigan on poetry's big day (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

thanks Harry; your comment is spot on and appropriate . I agree with you here, as the father has just been mentioned prior to that line! I'll edit it.

regards Ray.

Comment is about Harry O`N eill (poet profile)

Original item by Harry O`N eill

Hi Harry

My favourite season - thanks for feedback :)

Comment is about October Morn (blog)

Original item by Tom Doolan

Morning Izzy.
Thankyou for your support over last 3 and a half years.
So glad you found happiness.
You so deserve it.
God bless you and yours
much love
Alex x

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be a judge last night.
Kind regards
Alex Swarbrick

Comment is about Julian Jordon at Write Out Loud's Sale Christmas special. (photo)

this took me 3 minutes but i needed to prove i could write something after all the found poetry. its fun but it does somewhat limit your creativity.

Comment is about porcelain (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

hello. neither a critique of faith or those with it. merely a suggestion that the words in the bible can be easily manipulated, and to show how the misinterpretation of the words have led to ill. i have also tried to reverse the original message from the psalm (ie - blessed are the faithful/blessed are the sinners). whether i have succeeded is another matter...

Comment is about Psalm 1 (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

the night
passes cold
between
the ache
of my fingers

this is as beautiful a collection of words as i have read in a while.

Comment is about Longing (blog)

Original item by A.M. Clarke

i love this. it reminds me of those drinking ads from a while back with the guy dressed as batman falling off a roof. its beautifully written, has fragility and chest beating and the last two lines are killer. a++

Comment is about Superman (blog)

Original item by Martin Elder

Who are you kidding, Harry? You'd be too old for conscription in 1940!

Comment is about WE-WON-THE-WAR-IN-1954 (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

I like the lilt (and the shape) of it.


Maybe line 21 the lover rather than `he` (for clarity)

(pay me no notice)

Comment is about ON THE MILLPOND BRIDGE (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Tom,
Nice season-welcoming fourteen liner.

I like that crunchy crackling ocean metaphor for the leaves.

Comment is about October Morn (blog)

Original item by Tom Doolan

just an extra comment Mark. I love Tavistock, as it has a robust feel to it, possibly due to it being a stannary town. There is a sense that it has a powerful history , and apart from all this I just love the sound of it. I think I'm right in thinking Lustleigh is on the moor. Again one of my favourites places, as I cycled right over it in 1960 as a young lad - diabolical hills and excruciating; but such experiences ultimately endear one to the adversary!

Comment is about M.C. Newberry (poet profile)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

just an extra comment Mark. I love Tavistock, as it has a robust feel to it, possibly due to it being a stannary town. There is a sense that it has a powerful history , and apart from all this I just love the sound of it. I think I'm right in thinking Lustleigh is on the moor. Again one of my favourites places, as I cycled right over it in 1960 as a young lad - diabolical hills and excruciating; but such experiences ultimately endear one to the adversary!

Comment is about M.C. Newberry (poet profile)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

Thanks John, I am delighted that this poem has appealed as it new ground for me. I tried simplicity and directness with a sort of unhealthy glow and desperation.
You have inadvertently picked on one of my favourite poems as a comparison. I am over the moon!!

Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)

Original item by John Coopey

John,

This is absolutely true.

After the Christmas blitz in 1940 Liverpool, they stacked up all the collapsed bricks neatly on a piece of land near Leeds street. With passages through it it was irresistible as a dead
ringer for 1914 trench warfare, so we kids used cardboard sheets to make hideouts and used to chuck bricks at the Leeds street gang while they `shelled` us back.

So much for the terrible spiritual damage of the war.

Comment is about WE-WON-THE-WAR-IN-1954 (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Thank you Mark. Very kind; and I have checked Jeffrey Farnol out and see where how make your comparison - although I am unfamiliar with his work. There may be a trace of Thomas Hardy in the period and idea? I tried to stay true to the period; an experiment for me.!

Comment is about M.C. Newberry (poet profile)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

Thank you Mark. Very kind; and I have checked Jeffrey Farnol out and see where how make your comparison - although I am unfamiliar with his work. There may be a trace of Thomas Hardy in the period and idea? I tried to stay true to the period; an experiment for me.!

Comment is about M.C. Newberry (poet profile)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

The quality of this, Ray, is that it seems to evoke something for everyone. For me it's Alfred Noyes's The Highwayman.

Comment is about ON THE MILLPOND BRIDGE (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Well spotted, Stu. Such a classic and salutary poem to compare mine with - I am flattered.
I had trouble after the first line but gave way to the idea of seed and I developed the parallels.

Thanks a lot.

Comment is about Stuart Buck (poet profile)

Original item by Stuart Buck