Love this - incredibly atmospheric, beautifully phrased. I think I may be identifying with it more closely than I would otherwise though, cos have been going through patches of what can only be called 'fatigue', lately.
'Drugged by wet heat and sweet oil' mmMM
Comment is about The Bath (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Will leave it John will be seeing you tomorrow night and we can catch up then and see if anyone wants to come out another night from Write Out Loud.
Comment is about Stockport WoL (group profile)
Original item by Stockport WoL
Thanks Cynthia. Made some changes to make it more direct, like you said. Needed another pair of eyes on it, so thanks!
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Who's going to be the 10,000 visitor to my profile?
Comment is about John Togher (poet profile)
Original item by John Togher
I hope the idea of 'a bath' is not disrespectful. I find the very element of 'water' thought provoking, considering so much of 'us' is just that.
Comment is about The Bath (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
I hope the idea of 'a bath' is not disrespectful. I find the very element of 'water' thought provoking, considering so much of 'us' is just that.
Comment is about 52 Hertz - WOL Comp (blog)
Original item by Isobel
Thanks Cynthia. Yes, that's more direct.Isobel, don't get me started on a finely shaped ankle.
There's the connection with the word 'supercilious' as well in the title.
Comment is about Supercilium (blog)
Original item by John Togher
You've lost me on all the versions. I like the poem though. I like the way you always home in on something seemingly insignificant in a woman as a focus for her sensuality - I think you've done the same with freckles.
Arched eyebrows do say a lot about a woman - a) that's she's got time to pluck them and b) that she's got a high enough pain threshold. The lazy ones just hide them behind glasses ;)
For some reason I find myself wanting to change the tense in one line to 'what you were worth to her'
Lovely ending - it leaves lots to the imagination :)
Comment is about Supercilium (blog)
Original item by John Togher
John, a suggestion - would you consider:
She had that arched eyebrow
a black eagle's wing.
This eyebrow asked
what you are worth to her.
......
The weight of each other
catching breath
and that eyebrow
relaxed for the first time.
I have reread your poem several times, and finally decided that I would risk this comment. I find this directness very powerful. But it is just my opinion. I really like your work.
Comment is about Supercilium (blog)
Original item by John Togher
Changed. I do like the second version too. You're right Francine, the eyebrow remark does draw you in better. Thanks! x
Comment is about Supercilium (blog)
Original item by John Togher
It says a lot with the words you've chosen - conjures up the images and feelings of loneliness well.
Comment is about 52 Hertz (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
After reading both several times - I like the second version better.
I prefer it because it draws you in from your description of noticing her eyebrow, which is an interesting, if not odd detail, to what you know/overheard and imagined of her.
xx
Comment is about Supercilium (blog)
Original item by John Togher
Still unsure as to which version works better. Below is the other with first stanza later in the poem.
She had that arched look to an eyebrow,
not used to prevent moisture,
but a black eagle’s wing.
This eyebrow asked questions of just
what you are worth to her.
I liked that.
She said she was from the dark end of town,
that place where thievery smoulders
and street corners are plagued by crows.
None of that mattered.
I imagined that moment
after our first time in bed.
The weight of each other,
eye to eye, catching breath,
and that eyebrow,
relaxed for the first time.
Comment is about Supercilium (blog)
Original item by John Togher
tony sheridan
Tue 11th Jun 2013 00:36
I could be there for 8.45?
Comment is about Stockport WoL (group profile)
Original item by Stockport WoL
thanx for reading and commenting on my varied poems George. regards Nick:)
Comment is about George Stanworth (poet profile)
Original item by George Stanworth
Thanks Lynn - you've got it in one :-)
Whereas MC, as usual, has missed the point. If we are so 'evolved' why do humans kill for 'fun'? or for 'fur' or for 'accessories' when we don't have to? and why do we try to attribute 'human' characteristics to foxes in order to justify chasing them to ground and ripping them to pieces? And why do we kill whales just to see the seas coloured blood red. Checks and Balance my arse!
Comment is about Animals (blog)
Original item by Ian Whiteley
Updated and now with supersonic sound.
Comment is about (Be my) Only One (blog)
Original item by Marksy
Another good one, Ian :)
M.C. Only the humane among us humans help other animals. Dolphins and dogs have been known to save human lives. :)
Comment is about Animals (blog)
Original item by Ian Whiteley
Background scene is set
Lines then go wrong
Script is completely misplaced
Role play itself stops
The trap door opens.
Comment is about Exit Stage Left (blog)
Original item by Katy Megan
Man - the primary predator who, unlike the other animals, saves what the other animals do not; preserves when the other animals don't
know how, and steps in to rescue those not of his kind when the other animals pass on by
Checks and balances.
Comment is about Animals (blog)
Original item by Ian Whiteley
Anyone going to the Elizabethan for a drink - -
oh yes a chat about the Heaton Arts as well.
Comment is about Stockport WoL (group profile)
Original item by Stockport WoL
Hi Nick
Just come across your poetry. I love the diversity of them. There's some great imagery in your poetry. I particularly like the start of 'Pathway' and 'Epiphany On The Edge.' 'Reed' is another great poem.
George
Comment is about NICK ARMBRISTER (poet profile)
Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER
This resounds for me - I can so imagine how that creature must feel.
Love the 'booming through the murky darkness' and the 'leaping, soaring, diving, plunging into depths of solitude'
Thanks for taking part again Lynn. x
Comment is about 52 Hertz (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
thanks for your comment on 'vermin' Lynn - it's one of the few things that gets my goat, when man thinks he can apply morals to animals and then kill them because they don't act 'human' grrrrrr lol :-)
Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Hahaa :D Yehhh, know THAT feeling!
Comment is about Just one more time, please (blog)
Original item by Ged Thompson
Very true M.C its a crazy bandwagon that we ride upon. The full truth can never in this case be confirmed...
Comment is about Jimmy Who? (blog)
Original item by Brian Wood
Good one, Ian, enjoyed this and your sentiment.
Comment is about Vermin (blog)
Original item by Ian Whiteley
Clever stuff indeed Tommy. Now got you on my short list of favourites!
Comment is about Assignation (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Thanks for commenting :) Yes I look for the positives as it is evident that negatives only lead to more aggravation... best wishes, Dave
Comment is about Love Vines (blog)
Original item by Dave Dunn
<Deleted User> (9882)
Sun 9th Jun 2013 21:30
always the optimist Mr.Dunn!
good on'yer!x
Comment is about Love Vines (blog)
Original item by Dave Dunn
I wasn't sure whether you were talking to me or the germ there for a moment Isobel - I thought I might be getting an invite round to yours ;-)glad you like 'domestosterone' it's one of my cleaner rhymes *groan*
Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)
Original item by Isobel
thanks for the comment on 'domestosterone' John - I'm not acquainted with any 'flash' ladies I'm afraid - perhaps you could point me in the right direction ;-)
Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)
Original item by John Coopey
also thanks for the observation on 'I wish I had a harley' age cannot be avoided mate - it's how you cope with it that counts :-)
Comment is about Marksy (poet profile)
Original item by Marksy
thanks for commenting on 'domestosterone' Marksy - trust me, it would need to be a very big duck in our house ;-)
Comment is about Marksy (poet profile)
Original item by Marksy
thanks for commenting on 'domestosterone' Dave - if you can't kill the 0.1% why bother with the rest? it's the 0.1% that'll get ya ;-)
Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)
Original item by Dave Bradley
the sonnet as straight-jacket - eh? straight-jackets can be fun if you don't mind taking your time to get out of them - i'm thinking of going on a 'form' rampage over next month or so and really getting into some of the less known structures etc - if I don't escape the straps before I drown, it's been nice conversing with you ;-)
Comment is about Harry O`N eill (poet profile)
Original item by Harry O`N eill
I took this photagraph today from the wall of my garden looking out on the meadow beyond,
What more need for inspiration !
Ian Gant
Comment is about Buttercup (blog)
Original item by Ian Gant
thanks for your comment on 'the aparkle' harry - I hear you :-)
Comment is about Harry O`N eill (poet profile)
Original item by Harry O`N eill
Pretty much the way I see it Ged. Doesn't seem to mean much if it's not real. I can only write if I feel it, happy, sad, comatose or glad. I sit, I think, I write ..... that's it. Every word a piece of me ... good or bad. Like a mental toilet flush. Love the poem by the way. Will read some more. Didn't realise you were on WOL. Cheers mate.
Comment is about How brave a poet (blog)
Original item by Ged Thompson
Thanks Alex. I still can't see my profile picture - why is it I wonder, that everyone else can see it before I can?
The picture is the sign in front of an old derelict care home, walking distance from where I live. It's been derelict for years now and I'm amazed no-one's built houses on it yet - it's only a question of time - but I see beauty in the emptiness and the history - I shall really miss it, when it no longer exists.
The more the merrier at the Tudor - I'll be flitting around cos I'm compering and I have a number of family members coming along for moral support. I believe Laura is going though and a few others you must know by now :)
Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)
Original item by Isobel
I consider the work of this poet to be a "must read" on WOL. Hugely stimulating and well-crafted, this is another feast for the mind.
N.B. I read "...capture light" (1st line/6th verse) as "...captured light".
Comment is about DREAMING (blog)
Original item by Ian Gant
But I wish the man had been here to face his accusers and speak for himself. There is something worrying about the haste with which we condemn in retrospect those who are not around to defend themselves or their reputations. And what about those in their family who have to live with the shame of this "rush to judgement"
after death?
Comment is about Jimmy Who? (blog)
Original item by Brian Wood
Going along with JC, I easily imagine that H. O'N had another life - in Elizabethan times.
Courtly and caring,
Courting and daring;
In love and living,
Well faring and sharing!
Comment is about THE STORY OF THE POEM (blog)
Original item by Harry O`N eill
I have the original (Eric Burdon's still around!) and this is surely JC's best so far! A wonderfully adapted version of a memorable top pop from my youth...even managing to get in the " blue jeans" reference and using it with a great "stitch up" analogy. Right on the money!!
Bravo, Master!
Comment is about The House of the Rising Damp (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Fit To Work: Poets Against Atos was named the winner http://ftwpoetsagainstatos.wordpress.com/2013/06/09/for-the-win-poets-against-atos/
Comment is about Voting deadline nears for Morning Star's Protest in Poetry award (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Thanks Kenneth, appreciated.
C.
Comment is about Sommerhaus (blog)
Original item by Christopher Dawson
Isobel
Tue 11th Jun 2013 14:59
not me
Comment is about John Togher (poet profile)
Original item by John Togher