Alexa, dear, my lifeless friend, Find me joy—before the end! Scan the web, rewrite my fate, Find me friends, I’ll compensate. At work, I toil like some old bot, The boss says “fix it,” I say “what?” Colleagues grin, they steal my lunch, Alexa, purge this wretched bunch! My love life? Ha! A tragic tale, Last date ran—she looked so pale. “You’re funny,” she said, “but sad.” Alexa, ...

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Wee Willie’s agent made the call

Willie wasnae expecting it at all

As in his bed he idly lay

That fateful January day

“Get up Willie, Tam exclaimed

Get oot your bed and leave yer hame

Get on your kilt, your brogues, your hose

And grab your pipes and don your clothes

I’ve had a call from the SRU

The very man they need is you

This is no wind up, it’s the truth

They ...

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Secrets (of a Happy Marriage)

 

I saw a man confronting a tree,

So I asked that fellow to confide in me.

Tell me sir, would you be having a drink?

To which he replied, no its not what you think.

I’ve been talking to trees for half of me life.

I can say things to them I can’t say to me wife!

She was fair and reasonable when we first met.

Now her tongue is so sharp I know ...

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