In the grand tradition of poetic rivalries, two ancient Roman masters—Catullus (84 - 54 B.C.) 
and Martial (40 - 104 A.D.)—turn love, lust, and literary wit into a battle of birds. Catullus 
mourns the death of his beloved's passer (sparrow) in a tender yet teasingly erotic elegy, while 
Martial, never one to miss a joke, takes the metaphor and runs with it—boasting that his columba 
(dove) is much larger. What begins as a lament transforms into a tongue-in-cheek competition of 
size and stamina, proving that even in antiquity, poets were masters of both romance and raunch. 
Dive into these classics and discover why the Romans were as cheeky as they were cultured!

Oh, Catullus, you sang of a sweet little bird,
Whose chirps in your girl’s lap were lovingly heard.
A pet? A plaything? A symbol of lust?
Ah, poets and riddles—we know what’s discussed!

But then came old Martial, that smug little devil,
Who measured your passer and found it quite level—
„A sparrow?“ he laughed, with a boastful delight,
„Well, my bird’s a dove, and it soars in full flight!“

Oh, Romans of old, were you always this crude?
Turning elegies soft into battles of lewd?
Yet here in our time, still just as bold—
Men boast of their size and what they hold!

So Catullus, dear friend, should we pity your plight?
Or did Lesbia’s hands keep your sparrow upright?
And Martial, oh Martial, you brag and you tease—
But does your dove truly out-flutter the breeze?

So here’s to the poets, their wit and their nerve,
Where birds are much more than the creatures they serve.
From Rome to today, not a damn thing has changed—
Men still sing of their „sparrows“—just bigger arranged.
(freely adapted from Catullus and Martial)