I had a map when I was young

Nothing special but

I swore it held my fate in

its borders and legends

Tales of what’s to come

So I clenched my fist around it

for if it was never lost,

neither could I be

One day, I found that one map

couldn’t guide me to

every destination

I longed to reach

So I procured another

and another

and another

until ...

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Taboo

Cautionary

Loud

Transgressive

Feverish

Powerful

Inflamed

Classy 

Tacky

Infectious

Lustful

Lust Inducing

Painful 

Irate

Hellish
 

I remember standing 

in the dressing room of Dillard's 

with my found Grandma 

as she asserted

"honey, Red is your color." 

I collected her commentary 

and carried it around in the back pocket

of my...

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You would be doing me a favor

that I find impossible to gift myself.

Less death since one could say

my soul passed away

a long time ago,

Silently.

Like the serenity I long for.

No, not non-existence,

just

silence.

I scream a cackle into the 

cushions of my sofa

as the irony coats the inside of my mouth.

I must have

deserved

the ranci...

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I slink around in my one-bedroom apartment

wallowing in my loneliness.

It feels like everyone who I have ever loved has

absconded from my grasp.

Shockingly,

they all fled in their own unique fashion.

Some moved away.

Some I moved away from.

Some turned out to be different

from whom I thought they 

ought to be.

Some transformed into something more

sinister

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