I have this indescribable need to be heard,

like I’ve never whispered a single word over the course of my life,

like I’ve never uttered an incoherent syllable under the light of the dying sun,

like I’ve never looked into the eyes of another and truly felt seen. 

Am I alone? 

Am I floating here, lost in the waves of a turbulent sea,

waiting for a lifeboat that will never...

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Cry me black and blue

     And black and blue 

          And crimson tears will fall.

     Break apart this wanton fret

That consumes us all.

     Broke into my heart again

          To build a crumbled wall

     While I waste internally

Replaying what I saw.

Cry me black and blue

     And black and blue

          And scarlet veins will die,

     So strain ...

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When we die,

We'll be forgotten,

But what can we say when

We're forgotten

While alive?

What am I to think

When I am invisible?

When I am cast aside?

When I am the problem?

Who is there to see me for me?

Does death then hold no meaning?

Is death even worth fearing?

Or is it rather embraced

As a means of escape

From those who

Don't care

At all?

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Agony in misery in hopeless blackened light,

Regretting all that we have said

Beyond the veil of night.

I chose the path of least remorse

And yet here I am

With your heart

So soft, so supple

In my red stained hand.

Beaten

Beating

Beatless.

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Your nostalgia is lying to you.

Life is hard now,

But it was hard then, too.

You were just younger, dumber, more care-free.

If you knew then what you know now,

Maybe then you'd see.

You'd see the heartache;

You'd see the pain;

You'd see the way they lie and shame;

You'd see that no matter what you do,

You're always going to be you.

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Expectations too high?

     Squash them.

Voice too loud?

     Quiet down.

Thoughts too deep?

     Swim to the surface.

Don’t be an inconvenience.

     Don’t be an inconvenience.

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Crawl into my waiting arms

And tell me that it’s cold here.

The anger held within my eyes

Will never sear you.

When I’m lost in my own soul

How will you know to save me?

Or will you cry again

While telling me I’m broken?

"Broken,

        gone,

            beyond repair."

Reaching out was never easy.

Never necessary.

Never an option.

And so it sha...

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Aim your anger at me;

Pull the trigger,

And watch me bleed.

I can take a few more bullets

Rotting there inside of me.

Set me free.

Oh, set me free.

Grit my teeth,

And watch them bleed.

One by one 

They fall away

Beneath the clouds,

Beneath the gray,

Beneath the promise of better days.

I sing beneath the sky so dark

With weathered bones

With shattered...

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The feeling comes gnawing, gnashing, crashing into me from within, a reminder of the things I lack, the things I could have been.

The thought of failure torments me, slashing, stabbing, holding onto my heart, a reminder of those who always thought that I was just playing an imaginary part.

The pain comes sharply, sneakily, forcing my mind into behaving, a reminder of the moments I have lost ...

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Boredom breeds depravity,

A textbook case of sanity.

     Of sanity?

Insanity.

Don’t mishear what I’ve said.

You wish them dead.

You wish them dead?

But they are just like you.

Complacency builds to slavery,

A textbook case of happiness.

     Of happiness?

Unhappiness.

Do not skew my words.

You wish them away.

You wish them away?

But they are just ...

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My mind is the only place I feel understood.

It’s a direct reflection of the confusion,

The hatred,

The insanity,

And yet it is home to me.

It beckons me back when I wander too far.

It calls my name when I’m lost in the dark.

Yet even with a thousand blessings,

I find myself crawling back towards the Hell

That dwells within me.

The chasm therein is deeper still

Tha...

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I’m drowning in the remnants of my own mind,

Falling deeper into the abyss of consciousness

That threatens to spill out onto the pavement at any given moment.

Pull the trigger and watch it flow?

Flowing,

     flowing,

          flowing out.

My soul is bursting at the seams,

     breaking out,

          broken up,

               bending wildly.

I’m bartering with my...

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