I am left empty

In a field of Bluebonnets

Whose roots reach for the salt of my eyes.

In a field of Bluebonnets 

I lay,

Lay,

Lay.

Flowering hues of me turn Blue,

Smearing the sunshine yellow-oranges of my memories of you.

Flowering hues of me turn Blue

As I drift away on my bed of bonnets.

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"Everything dies in the winter but snowflakes"

I was always a Summer boy,

Craving when the sunshine made love to my melanin.

Hot showers against my back; thick covers cradling me to sleep.

Autumn colors gave way to December's frostbites

Gnawing at my thoughts time after time,

Leaving nothing but dead memories.

So when your snowflakes brought me warm touches,

I wanted Winter...

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Can I just fizzle away into the 808s

And fuck the heartbreaks

That ensnared me into your trap

Like the music I thought you were.

I hit replay, replay, replay

Just to feel the reverb jumpstart my chest again.

You never made my ears cry like the melodies did anyways.

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Us cats live on the margins

Forever performing a delicate dance between

What is and the destitute street

Intent on killing us ten times over.

But as long as love never leads us astray,

We will always find where home is by the windowsill.

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her red tipped nails drew little crosses into my back,

each one a reminder that we bore the burdens of our love.

I told her breathing was my sin as

her warm hands hung me by my neck.

but I needed her to feel it too,

so I drew one last cross

and left her on it.

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who needs a chaser when acid hurts so good?

your scars carry my fingertips as they river down your spine,

knowing you'll burn me tomorrow or the next,

but I'm content to drown in your hell tonight.

I whisper "finders, keepers" in your ear like a chant,

praying to any gods who'll care to listen.

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We went to where gods go to die

To witness their swollen egos burst,

Leaving nothing but black hearts festering in the sun

Next to frail men.

We buried them and their tendrils under our Red Square,

With each footstep a reminder to their bones that we were disciples no more.

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I see a river of people ahead of me for as far as I can see

With bright smiles and exlamations,

Loud laughs and even bigger expectations.

Feelings of spite I never had,

But ever so often I go mad at the feeling 

Of being a boulder unmoved by the current

That will wear me down to dust eventually.

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Sometimes I imagine being a rainbow,

Shooting off into the sky and coloring in every perception anew,

Just to find my way back into myself.

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How do you get someone out of your head?

Do you lay down in bed and let them swirl

into a tempest, leaving you to drown?

Or is it more tempting to conjure up an umbrella

against the rains of regret?

If only I could reset my mind and forget,

but that would mean watching your sunset

colors fade to black.

And I don't think I have any colors left.

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I am a dark blue with a little bit of pink

Hidden away somehwere deep, I think

About how lavender always danced nervously on my lips

Held back tight by a fist full of sins

I am no longer scared of but find hard to forgive

Myself looking at him 

Looking at my pink, hidden away somewhere deep, I think

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before i fall in love with you i'd just like to introduce myself.

i think i have a really kind smile to go with your dark brown eyes

that light up my room like the lamp i still keep on at night.

i promise i'm not scared of the dark

but i am so terrified by how pretty you are

it makes my hands cry more than usual.

my anxiety's always been a bitch so i hope you don't mind toxic pol...

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squinting through the condensation on my windshield

brought back memories of february hearts painted on school bus windows

with spindly fingertips, now callused from a guitar that played me

shitty riffs. I don't remember when I grew so fond of black hearts that devoured me

and spit me out like radiation, but music always made me forget.

so I turned up the volume and let my foot cave...

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Whenever that gray light with the blue mood

Poured through my window,

We were never blue, but only sometimes

Tucked up under each other like colorblind fools,

Sweet laughter on our lips came and went

Dancing up into the air currents 

To be shredded to pieces by the blades of my ceiling fan.

We always tried picking up the pieces

With fingers buttered up like pastries

Leav...

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Flowers grow through the wrinkles of my shirt

Where hyacinths, roses, and tulips

Intimately embrace each other 

And vein their way into my roots,

Feasting on my blood.

My heart beats palpatate through their stems,

Making their petals dance.

Oh their sweet, sweet aroma

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....I wake up (un)dead,

Joining the horde of bodies wandering aimlessly

To each’s destination unknown

Left right, right left

My body sways

Up down, down up

Dancing on my own grave

It's not all bad though,

At least I don't eat others

Only myself

Until there’s nothing left

and....

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Weary, cold, bloodied, and coming from afar. He sought food, drink, and a place to rest from the dangers of the country road.

He saw the woman in the pink Kimono on the street corner. Soba noodles her specialty. He ate and paid her in stories of the front, the battles, the deaths of his comrades.

He asked her name.

“Mitsuki”

Spring was coming.

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Dead to me three times over

I wanted you gone

So I locked you in a corner and swallowed your key 

of despair 

But it’s funny that without you I couldn’t 

feel myself living

When I finally find rest in your arms

I hope you kill my regrets and free my soul,

So I can truly know you

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The yellow suns in your eyes lit our path, revealing the secrets hidden under the gray sky. 

When I was thirsty, blue poured from your tongue into the black bile, and I drank from the river. 

Your skin was a red furnace, a cauldron of warmth prevailing against the brittle wind and melting through my ice.

You pointed to the titanium obelisk on the hilltop. 

We were on a journey to somew...

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The soft radiance of your skin wraps me in sepia sheets under which your Mecca lies.

I came to conquer and be conquered by.

Allow me to lay seige to your walls as you claw at me defenses,

Then take me by force for I am relentless.

You can condemn me for my sin of seeking your cryptic treasure,

But first gaze into my eyes and bear witness to true pleasure.

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We are the rascals who march to the drums of our own screeching

Music born from depletion

Lyrics of the abyss

Listen to our empty melodies and cry your heart's content

For we aren't done yet

Lounge in your putrid contempt

And watch the legion of red lesions

Grow colors of the cursed

Our music is born from depletion

Hoping to one day become full

And burst.

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Like a child I foolishly gaze into your sunrise eyes

Finding a blinding vision of a new day

Where everything fades to black but the yellows of your incandescence

The holy color that sanctifies the black of our sacred skin

Might I lose sight in the blissful haze,

With my eyes closed and my heart open,

The weight of your wavelengths’ warm embrace

Would guide me back to you

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The cracks spilled over,

Bursting out of the mental

Construct of my cerebral

And constructing a body of their own.

Going toe to toe with my alter ego,

Glass breaks glass,

Leaving nothing but jagged edges on the floor.

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Elusive secrets dance under your Khaya skin,

Bringing whoever seeks your knowledge deep into your roots,

Where our ancestors reside.

For its only the calm deep of your eternal shade

That provides true refuge from the raging of the Sun,

From which you turn its boundless, chaotic light

Into innumerable little five-petaled stars,

Whose effervescent glamour brings awe to all.

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If I could paint my dreams

Warm, ethereal colors would dance with blotches of black

An elegant duet across the marble floor of my fingernails

I'd show the world these vivid visions

Waiting to burst and splatter their eclectic entrails

But this same world tears my distress into my denim

And preys on my vulnerabilities, striking with its venom

So today I will write my dreams, an...

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Could I see the heart on your sleeve?

That raging red rose with no thorns in sight

I know they’re there somewhere but I’m not scared

Could you show me that heart on your sleeve?

And let me trace my fingers along the stem and leaves

Down deep to your roots?

I’d bleed the cost to find your nourishment

I wouldn’t mind the little punishments

If I could feel your lips form

Th...

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My heart loved like a racecar

But my anxieties never let me switch lanes

I saw you from afar, I admit

Though I believed your curious eyes

Were a figment of my imagination

Then we collided,

And you left me cold, frozen in the snow

My heart still loves like a racecar

But the collisions don't hurt as bad as they

Used to

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I walked through brush and rocks,

Climbed mountains and crossed rivers,

Making sure to meticulously follow the path

Set out for me

But it seems this is as far as it gets

All the hope that filled my spirit and pushed me forward

Step by step,

Beat by beat,

Is swept away with a gust of wind

My weary bones give way

And I fall to my knees to pray to God.

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Sticks and stones never broke my bones

But the words did hurt me, the words do hurt me

All my life I felt alone

Cuz no one told me, the world's unholy

Your tongue was like a knife's serrated edge

Each word a rusted, jagged point meant to cut me rough

Beyond stitches' remedy

And then I let my own reign free

Adding insult to injury 

Sticks and stones never broke my bones

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Leave her in the past but I'll know I'll miss her...

I drink up little images with regrets as a chaser

Most of the memories are

Long gone

Long gone

Long gone

Fleeting giggles lost to time

But I'll never forget the soft of her thighs

The power of her mind

And the sadness in her cries

Those will stay until I'm

Long gone

Long gone

Long gone

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As I looked up upon November's sky

I caught the little glimmers in my eye

They painted a warm expanse

Dotted with infinite portals to far away lands

I lied there frozen

My body chilled by the earth and the notion

That these worlds were out of reach

But this solitary moment subsided

When I felt the warmth of the world

Lying right next to me.

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The men with the bundles of sticks

Came and went and have come again

They’ve come to restore a mythic strength lost,

Through blood, for blood

They’ve come to rebuild a legendary home fallen

Our soil! Our soil! They say

They’ve come to take all

As an offering to their dead god of perfection

Who is to stop them but us?

When is to stop them but now?

Their sticks may brea...

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Make my eyes turn to sandpaper

Watch me cry my rivers dry

And leave

Me lifeless, gasping for air

Grin at my dying breaths 

And be the wind that makes my lungs

Balloon and burst

I am hanging by the last threads of my heartstrings,

So I beg, do as you will with me.

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I'll wait three decades to feel your smile underneath our sheets,

Where beneath all the world's burdens we find our peace.

If we stayed cocooned until we emerged anew as

Butterflies,

Could we fly to the Beyond?

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~You let me into your intimacy

From a thousand miles away.

My eyes gripped the small of your back

And cried at the renaissance of your skin.~

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~Engrave your words in stone,

The soft ones too.

For foes old and new

Will never cease to twist and tangle,

Cut off and misconstrue.

Solid rock can not be so easily shaped,

Except by many waters.

But be steadfast.

The waves are with you.~

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~We talked in the silence of gazes and secret touches,

With inquiring eyes and fingers that gave

The blissful answers.

The world was noise

Until our quiet formed the gaps

And made music.~

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~Nobody really sees her,

And I won't pretend to,

But she's not a poser.

The day I fell in lust with her choker

Is when I told myself I had to know her.

*I think she hides her distress in her skinny jeans*

I'm not a skater boy but I've done it a few.

The delightful terror it brings, she comes with it too.

Feet to the concrete and face to the pavement,

Bruises an...

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~If standing in solidarity with the marginalized is extreme

Then I Am an extremist.

If having empathy for the ostracized is radical

Then I Am a radical.

If standing unmoved in my convictions is partisan

Then I Am a partisan.

These labels don't deter me

But they embolden me

And they give me the strength to fight.

Embrace the ridicule.~

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~When the midnight breeze struggles against the wrinkles of my windbreaker

But doesn't quite win yet,

I'll know that autumn's set. 

When listening to Aubrey brings the company of both friends

And endearing ghosts alike,

I'll know that early will come the night. 

The nights of campfire love songs and guitar rifs

And those of frat house trap music and police tips.

I am patien...

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~My heart's torn like the rips in my black denim jeans

Jeans tight like the constrictions and pressures forced on me

But they say that pressure turns coal to diamonds.

They talkin' bout the ten dollar diamonds that used to dance on my ears?

The ones that almost got me disowned,

With accusations of queerness and criminality tossed left and right?

Yet I smile.

Drain out bad ener...

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~She says she's been fighting her demons for an eternity.

Waging war against her inner rage,

She only smiles to save face.

Its complicated,

she laments,

an interconnected mangled mess of self doubt, ((suffocating)) emptiness, 

and despair.

If only I could provide a restorative repair.~

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~Black bodies stained red

By hands of those whom color has not dared touch

Black bodies left for dead

Destroyed, discarded, desecrated, and given to death's clutch

Black bodies have always bled

For the sins of those who are yet to be judged

Black bodies are hanging by a thread

Waiting for justice, but receiving none such.~

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~Quietly floating atop the rolling fabric of navy

Blue like the absence of oxygen in the veins

Tracing a trajectory charted and discovered,

Re-charted and rediscovered,

I spend the nights in Neptune.

I find an uneasy peace as daybreak cracks and attacks the ice

But the deep fissures fuse ever stronger.

The ocean lulls my corpus into a drowsy state

As my restless mind rages ...

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~When you look at me what do you see?

Do you see rivers and oceans

Or mountains and crevices?

Do you see the deep frown yearning

Or the sweet smile of satisfaction?

Do you lock eyes with the elixer of youth

Or observe the first wrinkles of death?

Or do you see right through?~

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~He pretends the river is an ocean

When one can't have the potent dose

One makes do with the diluted potion

Caught between two jagged green coasts

The murky current slowly propels his motion

If he has a good, sturdy boat

He might just last to see his ocean~

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~A fractured mosaic staring back at me

Shades of blue, brown, yellow, gray and green

Are the stitching that weave this being together

A fabrication of vibrant parts synthesizing to make a real whole

The real me~

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~The melodies of your tortured soul sent reverberating echos through the ethos  

Desperate cries intertwined in tunes unheard of 

Your cadences resonated with the frequencies of my essense

In perfect harmony

Setting my ailing heart at ease over and again.

As I gnash my teeth with bloody emotions

As I rage against the ultimate injustice

I hope you find rest in perfect harmony

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~When will I see you again?

Time keeps ticking, each second feeling like a solitary eternity

But do you know I've been waiting for entire lifetimes? 

Do you wait for me too?

I replay the recollections of time spent together over and over in my head

Like a broken record

I long for the days when my head would find comfort on your shoulders

When my hands would find your thighs

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~You're the feeling that makes my heart melt into a caramel abyss
I can taste the sweet demise you subject me to on the tip of my tongue
This sugary concoction flows out of your soul and seemingly by magic, or maybe alchemy, transforms into the feathers that come together like wings to lift me up beyond the natural heights of my masculine flesh
Bringing out the fleshly, carnal desires of my sou...

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