The lost young lives of Afghanistan



Recession hit Britian and we are all doing what we can,

While all the time there's a war going on in Afghanistan,

The worlds forces are fighting the Taliban,

Our soldiers are dying day after day,

from Colonel to Trooper, its the families that pay,

mothers, fathers children and wifes,

these young men are sacrificing there lives,

so spare a thought in the back of your mind,

because the bravery of our troops, can never be denied.

In honour of the fallen in Afghanistan.




A poem for the fallen and the bravery of the troops in Afghanistan



By Lee Blunt

Can i get a review on this one

I think Chris is right about blogs being a better place to start off in. The poetry review thread is the place to put your stuff when you are robust enough to have it totally shredded or 'critiqued'. On the whole, people are a little kinder in blogs.

I admire the sentiments in your poem but for me there is too much forced rhyme in it - by that I mean words that have been chosen and placed at the end of your line, just because they rhyme. If I were you I would start the poem again with no intention of rhyming and write it in free verse - quite often you get a better, more subtle feel.

I agree with Isobel here totally.. It did feel a bit forced in places here.. As I suggested elsewhere too, if you are looking for comments - usually the blogs are the best place to look at.

I understand your message here totally with your piece, and I have wrote political poems myself (one in my blog caused a debate on facebook and also W.O.L. Middleton) recentyl but if you take up Isobel's advice you may want to consider too perhaps not telling as much in the piece too.

I know from experience that while telling is a fair enough point in any piece and this is a political one, SOMETIMES it can carry twice as much power if you show not tell.

Thanks for the consructive comment guys and girls, I will take in what you have said.
Being an ex soldier who has served in these places it is a subject that i can speak from experience on and write poetry, so the debate on the content is not an issue at all.

Could someone tell me how i can post my work in the Blogs ?

Thanks Lee

Yes - it is really easy. At the top right hand corner you will see Make Blog Entry in blue. Click on it and then add your poem. You can do this by copy and pasting your word document or just typing it in. You can add a soundfile and a picture if you wish to. All you then have to do is update.

Good luck.