Sometimes it feels uncomfortable to write and either find things that can be improved in a poem, or just say well this is great and not try to improve.
I wondered if it is feasible for WOL poets to shift a poem into a different type of poem or style, and see what is preserved and what is lost in the re-make.
I will kick off with one of mine.

This is one I am not very fond of so you can pick it apart and try to make something more interesting out of it. It is all rhyme and rhythm but a bit lazy somehow. Try a different rhythm perhaps or modernise it with free verse?

Lets have some rules. Keep at least 50% of the lexical words (verbs, nouns, adj and adv.) but make it meaningful to you. What will it become?

Vocation
I being most an artist, yet
A writer am, and being both
Am neither, since I do forget
Those things I drew, and those I wrote.
They will not stay within my mind
But, slipping out, become a shade
Of all the words I did not find,
All pictures that I have not made.
Even the concrete evidence
The written word, the captured pose,
Are not sufficient recompense
My sad regretting to compose.
How I could wish the years undone
To build again on sterner frame!
Yet would I let my wishes run
As they desired, to sleep or game.
I have no mind for destiny,
No eager hand to choose my way.
Only a drifter will I be,
Setting down dreams along my way.

Being mostly an artist
I do forget
who I am.

These things I draw, and these words I write.
will not stay within my mind
but, slipping out, become a shade.

Of all the words I have not found,
and all the pictures I have not made
the concrete evidence
the written word,
the captured pose,
are not sufficient recompense.

My sad regretting to compose
How I could wish the years undone
To build again upon a sterner frame.

Yet I would let my wishes run
as they desired
to sleep or game.

I have no mind for destiny,
No eager hand to choose my way.
I'll only ever be a dreamer
setting down my dreams along the way.

Jxxx

John, that's really good! I'll try to get back myself. Very interesting challenge, Freda.

Vocation

I being most an artist, yet
A writer am, and - being torn-
Am neither, since I do forget
What I`ve written, what I`ve drawn.

Neither fasten in my mind
But flit and merge into a mix
Of paint and scribble that I find
An enigma that I can`t fix.

Even the visible evidence,
The words I wrote, the artistry
Can never be a recompense
For what it is eluding me.

I could desire my work undone,
Re-build on a more solid frame
But no! I`ll let my wishes run
To their own wanting, sleep or game.

Forget all thoughts of destiny,
Abandon all ambitious schemes,
A poet/painter will I be
Drifting simple, humble dreams.

(I didn`t count the actual words Freda but - have a heart - I`m exhausted!)

Both better than the original and quite different in style.

Go on...give an opinion! : )

How are they better?

Jx

A challenge begets another challenge! :)

Vocation

I tried to draw, to paint, to write
but images and words all fade.
Where are the pictures that I did not paint?
The poems that escaped my tongue?
I see a printed page, a framed landscape.
Yet these are nothing to the images I hoped to find.
A lazy dreamer always, those words and pictures stayed inside my mind.