The Line

The Line was fine –
Not in the majestical sense, you understand
In a measured sense.

The hope is always that the Line
Will not need to be measured –
Evaluated, judged.

I say always, but some poor souls
Live without consideration for the Line.
Oblivious to the chaos just beyond.

And yet what of those who know of the Line,
And still seek to cross?
Once over, tracking backwards from their front. Not that you’d know.

Hi Jo, I really like the idea and the language you use in this, there's always a line that sometimes once crossed can never be re-crossed, or it's very difficult to get back over the line.

I enjoyed how you started it in the conversational manner....'not in a majestical sense, you understand...' maybe you should run this through the rest of the poem and let it flow like a stream of conversation or consciousness, maybe experiment and play about with the format, rhythm and punctuation or the structure ( you'll find a flow that suits you and the poem, a fine line of balance maybe? :-) )- it depends on the message you want to put across to the reader, for example -

The Line was fine -
not in a majestical sense
you understand,
but in a measured sense.
The hope is always there
that it will not need
to be measured
or evaluated
or judged.
I say always,
but then there are some,
poor souls
who live without consideration
for the Line.
They are oblivious
to the chaos
just beyond the Line.
And what of those
who know of the Line
and still seek to cross?
Once crossed
they spend their time
tracking backwards
from their front.
Not that you'd know.

Look forward to seeing how it develops.xx

Thanks for the comments Nicky. I'm fascinated by the differing levels of self-consciousness that people have, which really is what spurred this poem. Re the structure, I never thought about carrying the conversational style through, maybe I can re-formulate, as you say. Jo :)

Hey, Jo, I think the main thread of the Line through the poem is fantastic. Hope I was of some help, what I wrote was how I read it, and I brought my subjectivity with me. No matter how you structure it each individual consciousness out there will read it differently and have an opinion that may not be the same as yours, for me that's one of the most fascinating/interesting things about poetry, you will find the one that suits you and the message of the poem, whether that be a stream of conversation or thought, or something else entirely.

Take care
nicky x

Jo, I very much like the poem as you have stated it, in lines that make a clear thought before moving on to your next idea. I'm not a fan of multiple linear breaks that, for me, serve no purpose other than some kind of modernist hype.

Nicky's suggestions are worth considering, but perhaps not quite that extensive. A word bold enough, important enough to command a line of itself, should be very carefully considered. One word lines should be pure drama, a bullet to your brain cells. Otherwise, what is the point?