Graham Rhodes

Biography

Graham Rhodes began reading poetry in Leeds folk clubs way back in the 1960’s and for over forty years he has performed his poetry in pubs and raucous rock 'n roll venues up and down the country. As a member of the now legendary electric rock folk group Arkwright’s Ferret he performed throughout London and the South. As a solo performer he has supported such diverse acts as Roger McGough, Mike Harding, Jake Thackery, Credit To The Nation, John Otway, John Cooper Clarke, Suzie Quatro, Steeleye Span, The Police, Wilson, Velma, Half Man Half Biscuit, The Animals, Seahouse, Martin Stephenson, Hugh Reed & the Velvet Underpants & Toby Jepson as well as many local, Northern based bands such as Bandanna, Hard Lines, Breeze, Life Support, Stone Cold Sober, Aldo's Orphans, The Goosehorns, High and Dry, The Luxuries of Brian, The Surf Sluts, and the Blueflies. In January 1997 he appeared on "Stand Up Live", broadcast by Live TV. That summer, in addition to completing a tour of Scotland supporting the bands Velma and Seahouse, he also hosted the Stockton International Festival Fringe, MAG biker events and appeared at the Festival Club in the world famous Edinburgh Festival. He also hosted and performed on the main stage at Scarborough's International Bike Week for eight days, the height of which was supporting Suzi Quatro in front of an audience of 4,500 bikers. In 1998 he hosted a number of all day band marathons at the Pavilion Vaults, Scarborough, and topped the bill at the “dead good poets” event at the Knaresborough Festival. In 2001 he performed at Scotland’s International Wigtown Book Festival. His act has succeeded in small rock venues like Fibbers at York; The Queens Hall Cellar Bar, Bradford; Pavilion Vaults Scarborough, plus pub rock venues, biker rallies and festivals as far afield as Falkirk, Hartlepool, Stockton, Hull & Glasgow. His material, a unique combination of humorous anger and outrage, is not for the faint hearted. It revolves around a heady mixture of sex, drugs, rock 'n roll and politics, including side swipes at such subjects as road rage, the Tory party, Hollywood sex symbols, bland television personalities, inflatable dolls, and the inherent problems over forty years of being a Leeds United supporter! His book of poetry "More Poems about Sex 'n Drugs 'n Rock 'n Roll and some other stuff." sold out its first two editions and is now available as a download via Amazon Kindle. For more information please phone or check out his web site at - https://www.facebook.com/grhodesperformancepoet/

Samples

http://www.youtube.com/user/TheGarhodes/videos https://www.facebook.com/grhodesperformancepoet/ Facebook Poem I’ve just been un-friended on Facebook Does it look like that I give a shit Thank God that you’ll no longer share with me Your thoughts and your wisdom and wit No longer will I have to put up with You opinions and photos of life Your comical cats and photos of twats That you meet when you’re out with your wife I’ve just been un-friended on Facebook Hip- hip- hip bloody hurray No more dubious comments on Brexit And your fetish about Theresa May No more misguided missives from fascists Jokes that are sexist and fail Your comments on everyday living Taken from t’ Telegraph, Sun and The Mail I’ve just been un-friended on Facebook Now I’m liberated, cleansed and feel free From all of your dubious comments Why the fuck did you send them to me? Now you can carry on living You’re day to day life in your way And I’ll get on doing whatever I do Not caring what your Facebook might say. I’ve just been un-friended on Facebook I assume that you now wish-me ill luck But I’m sorry to say I’ve have a great day And frankly I don’t give a fuck. -------------------------------------------------------------- Surfers Poem There’s poison floating out at sea It’s killing the sea bed Industrial pollution Is giving fish two heads Every surfer takes a risk On every wave they ride Bacteria and microbeads Washed up on every tide Every bather takes a risk From the shit that’s in the foam Your toes will rot and then drop off You’re better off at home Fish and chips and candy floss Sun and sand but no blue flags Outlets and rock pools all Jammed up with plastic bags The seaweeds gone, the sea s dead There’s no more fishing trips What a fucking price to pay For a bag of oven chips ---------------------------------------------------------------- Anti Fracking Poem Fuckity Fuckity Fuckity Fuck Sold out by the council To make a quick buck Fuckity Fuckity Fuckity Fuck The North Yorkshire Councillors Really do suck! Frackity Frackity Frackity Frack Once you’ve ruined the water You can’t put it back Yorkshire Conservatives Take Third Energies shilling Selling out all the people Who are against all the drilling Poison the aquifer, poison the land All for the sake of a few hundred grand Bugger the farmers the sheep and the ewes Bugger the tourist whose here for the views Conservative councillors in the Government’s pay They’ll end up with knighthoods for the votes cast today Dancing like puppets to Cameron’s jigs Now he’s screwed everyone one of use and not just dead pigs sod conservation and all public wishes flames up your plug hole when you’re doing the dishes when everything falls down a bloody great crack They’ll be sorry they gave permission to frack Frackity Frackit Frackitty Frack Once you’ve extracted the shale gas You can’t put it back Frackety Frackity Frackity Frick It’s not just the water that’s making us sick Who’ll explain to the children Why the fish are all dead Who’ll explain to the drinkers Why the waters all red Who’ll explain to the tourists Who’ll all turn away Why North Yorkshire council Voted that way Westminster coffers fill up with gold Buts it’s our children’s birthright they just bought and sold Frackity Frackity Frackity Frack Once you’ve ruined the country you can’t put it back! ----------------------------------------------------------------- Boudicca and the Romans The Romans had landed in Briton And building aqueducts, villas and roads They were doing quite well with the conquering The poor Britain’s who only wore woad. Then they came to the boundaries of Yorkshire Where the Icini ruled as top tribe They were led by a Queen called Boudicca That the Romans thought they could bribe So they sent her some wine in amphorae Roast dormice in sesame seeds But the Icini were brought up on black pudding Served with tatties and turnips and mead They looked at the Roman food parcel And poked it with swords and with spears The Boudicca stood tall, and said to them all You’re not building roads around here Now the Romans were working to contract And were already late in their deeds They’d got lost in a bog down in Thetford And fell in the river in Leeds Building roads in straight lines proved a problem In a country full of grey clouds and mist Where no one could see the horizon And it were proving a bit hit and miss So they sat down and came to agreement To save bloodshed and more double pay T’Romans stopped at Boudicca’s boundary Waved their Eagles, then just walked away. And that why if you go into Yorkshire The roads are all bent, twisted and poor And why it takes hours to travel The length of the A64.

All poems are copyright of the originating author. Permission must be obtained before using or performing others' poems.