Ends Of Days

 

The fact that I’m quite anti-social

Is a blessing in dark times like these

When you’re treated like a pariah

If you develop a cough or a sneeze

When they’re telling us to wash our hands

And not just after we pee

When I’ve been doing that for years

Because of my OCD

 

I’m also a bit of a hoarder

It’s always been one of my goals

To ensure I have plenty of toothpaste

And never run out of loo rolls

But that’s suddenly become quite a challenge

With all these bastards buying in bulk

So I’m sat here self-isolating

With time on my hands for a sulk.

 

My favourite food is Italian

With a close second Chinese

But that’s all blown out of the water

Now I’m living on crackers and cheese

I’ve so many cans in the cupboard

It’s turning into a joke

Baked beans, soup and mushy peas

And forty-three cans of diet coke

 

I’m not shaking hands anymore

Except when there’s no paper towel

And the diet I’m on is clogging me up

And double grouting my bowel

My complexion is turning quite pasty

As I’m no longer getting sun light

Because I don’t go out in the daytime

I just hang around open spaces at night

 

So they reckon this virus could kill me

And I’m sure what they’re saying is true

But my friends are not going to miss me

When the first thing they ask’s ‘who are you?’

It’s time to come out of the bunker

‘cos life has always been about luck

There’s a killer disease in the country

Just be careful and don’t give a fuck!