despite the recovery 

there are still days when a hole has been ripped through my chest 

when I am drowning beneath this absence 

it is not safe to breathe 

but my body craves the humid air 

this body has grown weary and tired today 

has shifted between consciousness 

these are the days 

when I struggle still 

despite it all 

 

despite being discharged from therapy 

standing on my own two feet appears to remain a difficult task 

without your guidance 

I am blind 

to the rising sun 

each glance burns these once bright eyes 

eyes that no longer take in the sight of you 

forehead kisses that remind me in the wake of it all 

to breathe with purpose 

I am obedient at your hands 

wrapped around this small shaking body 

until the fear runs out 

 

but I had to do it alone today 

face the wrath of the storm without a safe place 

and this dependency was not one that I realised I possessed 

until I was crying on the bathroom floor in the mid afternoon 

only wishing I had my coping mechanism 

 

you