Half Time

 

I was playing centre half

With Athletic five nil up

In a prestigious third round tie

Of the Inter-City Cup

Sunday morning football

After beer the night before

The referee blew for half time

It was a disappointing score

 

The captain’s girlfriend Elsie

Brought a tray of oranges out

Some of us took one and sucked

And tried to forget the rout

The goalkeeper ran to the changing room

He seemed in such a hurry

After forty five minutes

Holding in last night’s curry

 

The centre forward pulled out a mirror

And teased his Frank Worthington quiff

The winger Dazzer sneaked off behind a tree

And rolled a sneaky spliff

Our full back Bazzer took a slug

From a carefully concealed hip flask

hidden in his sock as a shin pad

If the referee was to ask

 

Our midfield maestro Wazzer

Said he was going for a piss

But sneaked off with his girlfriend

Who he was seen to grope and kiss

The manager just sat and stared

At the antics of his team

And the fading of his ambitions

And that distant cup final dream

 

The substitute was leaning

Having a smoke by the goal post

And Micky Mack the right full back

Had given up the ghost

And gone off early to the pub

To get himself a beer

The crowd was getting agitated

And both of them let out a cheer

 

The referee looked at his watch

And blew his whistle loud

Time to start the second half

Before we lost the crowd.

So The Albion pulled their socks up

And took to the field of play

We ended up losing thirteen – nil

The second leg’s, next week - Away