If I make enough mashed potatoes

And I bake enough banana bread

And if it all looks inviting 

Maybe it won't hurt so much

 

If I keep my hands moving

And I keep my lips smiling 

And everything looks perfect 

Maybe I won't notice 

 

Maybe I won't realize 

The ache that fills my chest

And the feeling in my stomach

Like if you ask my how I'm doing, I'll puke 

 

I can hide behind 

what I should look like

Retreat to the kitchen 

And emerge with something sweet

 

And if they ask me

Where I've been

Or how I'm doing 

It's okay, I'm helpful

 

someone needed to make the salad, and load the dishwasher, and feed the cat, and clean the pots, and make a coffee, and set the table…

 

Just please don't ask

If I'm okay

Because I never really learned

How to lie