LITTLE BASTARDS (TRICK OR TREATING)

by John Coopey

Sunday 1st November 2020 12:38 am

They've been again. A hardy perennial.

Little Bastards, trick or treating

Little Bastards bloody cheating

Gave them sweeties, gave them money, gave them popcorn when they came

Little Bastards, trick or treating

Little Bastards need a beating

I got dog doo on my doorknob, I got dog doo

Just the same.

Little Bastards took my money

Little Bastards thought it funny

If they pulled up all the roses in my plantpots round my home

Little Bastards sweet and chummy

Little Bastards noses runny

As they spay-painted all my paving and they broke up

My garden gnome.

Little Bastards, not so little

Little Bastards, snot and spittle

Cans of lager in their fists as they gobbed on the window panes

Little Bastards still as gobby

Little Bastards, scuzzy, slobby

Little Bastards burnt my dustbins and they danced then

Around the flames.

Little Bastards, mummy’s darlings

Little Bastards crude and snarling

Made a circle in my garden as they pissed into my pond

Little Bastards, Little Fuckers,

They have took me for a sucker

Though I gave them £6.50 like a softie

I got conned.

Little Bastards’ charming greeting

Trousers down and start excreting

Little Bastards, mummy’s darlings, and, of course, they’re not to blame

Little Bastards trick or treating

Little Bastards bloody cheating

Cos I gave them all my money but got shafted

Just the same.

Comments

John Coopey

Mon 2nd Nov 2020 17:37

I too am a bit selective when lobbing brass out, MC. If someone is busking I’m only too happy to shove them a bob or two; they have enriched my day. I don’t mind giving a Greggs food voucher to some down-and-out in a sleeping bag. On the other hand if they’re gobbling fags and slurping a bottle of Diamond White I don’t. “That might be their only pleasure” I hear some saying. “Well swop it” I say. “Swop it for the pleasure of reading a book or buying a sandwich”.

M.C. Newberry

Mon 2nd Nov 2020 15:19

Well worth the re-run, like any good piece of entertainment.
The young can be both cunning & devious. I recall a young lad in a pub bar who was seeking cash support for some athletic endeavour
and got quite stroppy when I said I'd pay up on proof of completion.
I wonder how many paid up and never knew or heard anything more of that means of divesting the well-meaning from their money?

John Coopey

Mon 2nd Nov 2020 10:31

The only upside to this pandemic, Kev, is that our worldwide fans are not spoiled with too much of our literary genius!

kJ Walker

Mon 2nd Nov 2020 07:24

One of my favourites of yours. If things were normal, I'd be requesting this one at Well Spoken

Cheers Kevin

John Coopey

Sun 1st Nov 2020 23:57

In truth, Brian, we didn’t have any this year. Shame really. I’ll have to eat all the chocolate coated Brussels sprouts myself.
Nicola - there is no question that I am a curmudgeonly old bastard. If your nephews decide to throw rice at me would you ask them to take it out the tin first?

<Deleted User> (13740)

Sun 1st Nov 2020 22:12

Ha I wouldn't be sending my nephews to your door! When I was about 8 there was this old crotchety woman in the street she said don't knock on my door. I read it in my book to have rice with you and rich people threw rice at weddings so when she said trick I bet you haven't got one? We threw rice at her, it went all in the house too. My mum made me go back and sweep it all up. But if she'd just given us sweets or even better money in the first place now we wouldn't have had to give her a trick now would we?? So maybe it's you, maybe you need to stop being a miserable old bastard and be nice to kids. I'd teach my nephews to throw rice at you xx lol ?

<Deleted User> (18980)

Sun 1st Nov 2020 17:43

A lot fewer little bastards this year John. And you know what...I sort of missed them!!??

John Coopey

Sun 1st Nov 2020 17:12

Thanks for the Likes, Stephen A, Stephen G, Kevin and JD.

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LITTLE BASTARDS (TRICK OR TREATING)

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