I saw the call for volunteers and thought I’d do my bit

By taking out food parcels for old biddies and old gits.

I drove my van to Asda and then loaded orders on;

In some were cans of lager so I helped myself to one.

The first old bloke just moaned at me and said that I was late

So when he went back in his house I pissed upon his gate.

The next old skank complained a lot her bread and grapes were crushed

On and on she blathered so I smacked her in the mush.

My last drop-off was gardening – he moaned he’d overpaid

“Chunter, fucking chunter”, so I hit him with his spade.

I don’t expect an MBE for work I’ve done this year

The work itself’s its own reward –

            To be a volunteer.