(The first verse, of course, is not mine.  It will be well known to rugby players returning home from away matches on the coach.  Simple pleasures!)

 

When I was just a wee wee tot

I sat on my wee wee pot

But wee wee there I could not

Till I lay in my wee wee cot.

Wee wee

Wee wee

Wee wee wee wee wee  wee.

 

And now that I’m an OAP

My bladder’s once more haunting me

These days I still have no control

As I aim at the toilet bowl.

Wee wee Wee wee….

 

Off to bed at 12 o’clock

I said “Night night” to my old cock

But not before I’d pointed him

Inside the bathroom toilet rim.

Wee wee Wee wee….

 

No need for me to count up sheep

I drifted into velvet sleep

But I was wakened up at two

My bladder said “You need the loo”.

Wee wee Wee wee….

 

And then once more at 3.15

(That lousy Maxwell House caffeine)

Then back to bed to dream some more

But up again at half past four.

Wee wee Wee wee….

 

And when I saw the dawn arrive

I needed one at half past five

I got up sharp at ten to eight

And ran to pee.  I was too late!

Wee wee Wee wee….

 

I filled the kettle from the tap

(I always fall into this trap)

The running water made me then

Want to go and pee again.

Wee wee Wee wee….