Note: No profile exists for this entry - most likely it was deleted.
The morning broke and all of its fragments flew
into your new face; you wore a resemblance
to a dead bird with something important
to impart - just as the crush of the tyre
or the clutch of the claw caught your breath.
What juicy morsel waited to be resuscitated?
What word from on high vouchsafed to only your eye?
Must I thrust a fist into that greasy morass
of feather and flesh before the implacable
motion of maggots picks you clean? Must I?
The pure sound of this is amazing. This is one of those poems that just begs to be read out loud and I found your punctuation made the reading possible and actually smooth, despite the tongue twister words. It's great. I found the second line of the second stanza hard to get my mouth around though and the second stanza in general wasn't quite as strong as the first. You picked up very well in the last two lines but the other three didn't do them justice. Awesome poem, keep it up!
Resuscitated or regurgitated? I suppose regurgitated maybe works better with the immediate meaning; but resuscitated sounds more "poetic", and better sums up what hope there is in the poem. I'm a terrible fence-sitter, Ray; I dunno!
As Greg says,this is very difficult to read, but every word rings truth and power - every word. It is inspired. 'vouchsafed to only your eye' is gut-wrenching.
This is painful to read, but it's meant to be. I like "crush of the tyre" and "clutch of the claw." The opening three words contrast harshly with the optimism of the hymn Morning Has Broken.
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<Deleted User> (8408)
Sun 11th Jul 2010 23:43
Hi Ray, you had me hooked in the first two lines. This is a truly amazing piece and I've got to ask... did you know that birds, in many cultures, spiritually symbolise the guardians of the veil between earth and heaven (or whatever heaven is) and often are said to carry the souls of those passed over through the veil to the other side? Whether intentional or not, knowing this made gave the poem extra meaning for me. Thanks for sharing. Dianna