That night

 

Lizzie and I got ready

As we always would

Make up, hair curled, our cute outfits

Trying to look as pretty as we could

 

When we arrived, things were fun

Drinking, chatting, laughing

Flirting

The night had only just begun

 

Weeks ago, we shared some kisses…

And as expected, tonight, I saw you

But no one, including your girlfriend

Had a clue

 

What we had going on

Was pretty innocent

I enjoyed it

But I still knew it was wrong

 

We signalled to each other

‘Let’s go for a walk’

One thing was clear

We weren’t leaving the party to talk

 

I should have assumed

What all of this meant for you

Drunk yet lucid

How could I be so stupid?

 

It started off with a kiss

How could it end up like this…?

It was only a kiss

It was only a kiss

 

What began with gentle fooling around

Had you ripping off my jeans

Forcing yourself on to me

While I was pushed in to the ground

 

It started off with a kiss

How could it end up like this…?

It was only a kiss

It was only a kiss

 

You asked me if I wanted to have sex

And I said no

You heard me loud and clear

Yet you wouldn’t let me go

 

It started off with a kiss

How could it end up like this…?

It was only a kiss

It was only a kiss

 

I laid there like a corpse

Just waiting for it all to be over

Hating myself

Would this have happened if I was sober?

 

I denied the truth

When you asked me if it was my first time

Admitting to you then that I was a virgin

Would have made me feel even more like slime

 

You walked back to the party to keep our now even bigger secret

I can still clearly visualise how you left me there

My belt not even done up

Abandoned and humiliated, and you moved away without a care

 

You took something from me

That night

It didn’t belong to you

And I’d never get it back— try as I might

 

A few weeks later you told me you were sorry

As though we had a simple argument and you hurt my feelings inadvertently

I wish that was actually the case

How much easier forgiveness would be...

 

I wonder now if you even remember that night

Perhaps you do and carry deep regret

But I have to live with this for the rest of my life

And I’m left with a scar to ensure that I never forget