I choose now

 

When I’m well-travelled

When I’m cultured

When I’ve achieved a lot

I’ll look good on paper

And I’ll be on top

 

When I have credentials— lots of money

My dream career

A house— a husband and

kids…I’ll be set in to gear

 

And until then...

 

I’m trying to tick all the ‘achievement’ boxes now

In hope to better aid myself for down the track

So, when I’m settled and am at the ‘end of the rainbow’

I’ll enjoy my pot of gold—have no regrets— and will never look back

 

But the truth is

Our journey and our destinations are half chance

 And the road is never completely clear

I say that through ticking these boxes now— I’m ‘achieving goals’

Which is somewhat true

But it’s a little driven

By ego and fear

 

And with these desperate attempts

To be the best me

And get it all right

I’m missing one of the most crucial things

To live right now— and enjoy my life

 

So... I put the pen and paper away

The lists and tick boxes

Can hold on for another day

 

I make the time

To look at you in the eye as we talk

And feel your presence completely

 

I breathe in my cat’s fur 

As I cuddle him

As he embraces me back sweetly

 

I stop to smell the gardenias

Even though I have so much at work to do

 

I thank me for being me

And I thank you for being you

 

I lie on the grass and run my hand through it

Like my three year old niece would

As though it is the first time

 

And take heed

To listen out for the sound of insects and birds

And the melody of the wind chime

 

I smell your hair and take in your warmth as we hug

As this intimacy is such a holy and beautiful thing

 

And will openly laugh— and cry with joy— humour— and in sadness

In everything that life brings

 

It’s not such an easy thing to do

I’m certainly not invincible…

 My gaze turns towards the future

More than I wish for it to allow

 

But I’ll make a conscious effort to enjoy the little things

And live my life right now