Dear Human from ‘The Cat’

 

Dear overworked, stressed and tired human, 

Why do you rush around all day?

Your timetable should revolve

Around eating, sleeping, cuddles and play

 

Napping for 12-16 hours a day is ideal

Break it up with a snack

Catch a rat

See how good it feels

 

When it comes to eating

Don’t feel restricted by the diets others suggest

Stick your head in the rubbish bin, find a treat

Trust that it is you, who knows best

 

In regards of where to sleep

You have a lot of selection

I personally find that being at foot of someone's bed

Or a sunny patch on the grass, is truly perfection

 

Laser pointers, balls and fluffy dangly toys

Work well to address the matter of play time

However, if you don’t have these items

Nipping the back of another's heels as they walk up the stairs, will do just fine

 

Now cuddles and pats are positive

When you want them, and are in the right situation

However, I suggest you follow up with a ‘return’ nip or a scratch, 

As it’s fun to play ‘hard to get’ through a bit of social alienation

 

Now we come to the point of serious life stressors

Humans are often annoying and harassing and won’t give each other enough space

The easy solution is to ignore one another, wander off to the other side of the house

And reclaim your place

 

When push comes to shove

Weeing on another's belongings will remind them, that it’s getting a bit too much

Alternatively, just claw a hole in their sofa

It’s another way to tell them ‘to get stuffed’

 

So, there you go human

Your life manual now is all figured out

If you follow my advice

You can proceed in life

In a smug and gleeful fashion without a shadow of a doubt