9/4/21

When my mind thinks of you, I feel instant disgust. And not all for how you treated me but for myself. For allowing myself to tolerate being so sad and unhappy in a relationship with you.

And I've pondered this feeling of disgust for quiet some time now. So now I realize I am ashamed of my own self for tolerating such treatment. I will need more time to build myself up again. It won't happen as quickly as I had hoped. 

God shielded me from the deep in depth thinking, the picking apart of myself, and the pain you put me through.

Over a year later the shield has dissolved and I hate to admit I have such harsh edges that I do not want to have.

The more I don't want them, the harsher they grow.