Beep! Beep! Cheap! Cheap!

 

‘Next please’

The woman smiles

But I’m one step ahead

On the other side

Bags open

One hand looped through the handle

The other on the counter

 

We clock eyes

I submit a creak of a smile back

But I need to stay focused

The race is on

That woman lifting my can of tuna

Is also rearing to go

 

It wasn’t easy — you know

For me to get here

When the light went green

I  virtually crash tackled a little old lady—to get in front

She scolds me

‘You nearly bowled me over!’

‘Survival of the fittest’ I say to myself— silently

 I’ve been training for this all my life

 

‘Beep! Beep!’

Eggs nearly smashed by the cashier with such frantic scanning

She’s bagged the delicate spinach—placing it under the tuna cans

My magical order of food is now screwed

But her pace only quickens

To salvage the spinach

I risk losing the race

And I’ve come too far

 

I never knew I could break a sweat from this

I’m a fit person

But this woman makes me look slow

 

She’s upped her game now

I’m practically having bottles of salad dressing

And apples

Thrown at me

She’s losing patience with me

Despite my hard efforts

 

She knows I’m determined though

She doesn’t dare threaten me with the ultimate punishment 

Of suggesting that I repack all my groceries at the corresponding counter

 

Why do I put myself through this?

I wonder, is it really worth it?

But with every ‘beep! beep!’

I’m reminded

That the nearly smashed eggs

And salad dressing thrown at me

Is so Goddamn cheap cheap

 

At last— the race is finished

It was a close call

It was anyone’s game really

Both contestants as committed as the other

 

Now I’m left with the aftermath

I refuse to place a coin in that effing trolley

‘Wow’, exclaim the audience in the colosseum that is Aldi

That’s a lot of bags to carry on your own

‘Good weights training’ I respond

Slightly relieved— slightly traumatised

Sweating profusely

Legs shaking

Blood circulation getting cut off from the elbows up

 

‘Beep! Beep’

‘Cheap Cheap’

Damnit