I used to try at Christmas Do’s

To sit beside some loser,

A woman who was desperate

With morals even looser;

With luck I’d get my end away

At worst that I might goose her.

These days I try to sit beside

A woman who’s much thinner

And if I manage this I’ll think

That I am on a winner;

Cos greedy sods like me all know

She’ll not eat all her dinner.