I was commissioned to write the theme tune for this franchise.  I was unsuccessful; they went for John Williams's "Hedwig's Theme".  No matter; I am comforted in the knowledge that mine was the far superior.  A second re-post (but you can't get enough of quality).

 

There was a girl that he adored

He planned to brag that he had scored

But we all know the bounder never got her;

He never got to climb upon

Cos Grainger went for Weasley Ron

She found his ginger features so much hotter;

Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter.

 

He’d had a longing in his tool

From his first day at Hogwarts School

To pork her did the specky, four-eyed rotter;

He fantasised her in the buff,

He sketched her minge complete with muff,

He scrawled graffiti in his homework jotter;

Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter.

 

And when he lay alone in bed

He’d pull his Nimbus raw and red,

Imagining one day that he would mott her;

But while his bulging bollocks growed

That wanker Weasley shoots his load

So poor old Harry never got to slot her;

Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter.

 

His tastes were just conventional

He simply wanted her to pull

His wand and maul her with his grubby trotters;

He wasn’t into “sub and dom”

Unlike that masochistic Ron

She’d kick him in the balls so hard he’d totter

Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter.

 

Young Harry swore he’d kill Ron’s rat

And all because the ginger twat

Would brag to him that Grainger she had got a

Fine pair of charlies hard and white

A beaver that was wet and tight

No!  Smaller than a beaver – more an otter;

Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter.

 

He wished his one-time mate were lame,

Contracted crabs; and so became

A bitter and a twisted jealous plotter;

He cast one spell to make Ron gay,

The next to turn his cock to clay-

The fiendish Wingardia Terracotta;

Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter.

 

But this was all to no avail

And Harry P would ever fail

For Grainger was Ron Weasley’s squelchy squatter;

She sit astride the face of Ron

While Harry filled a demi-john

Onanistically – he never got her!

Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter.