Sad at a bar.   sitting on the deck.  watching 

boats drift by; 

finished my grouper sandwich; sipping on my lemon water

wondering -- 

So close to your lips, how did I get so far away in your mind?

I told you a long time ago, you would never have to yell          but

I do.

Today was a break,

          after a break,

                     after a break.                Compound fracture.

I had been watching you dreamy-like.  I looked you in the eyes so in love with you for so many years        I told you

I was not okay…

You hurt me anyway   

       and then again.   

                        and then again.

I close my eyes to you.

 

Sober and sad on a deck stool, watching happy roll in and away again, slapping its wake against the wood

It hurts too much to cry. so

I close my eyes to you             I close my eyes to you.

 

Home now.  days later.  You are softer       but

I’m not

I’m not angry anymore, and tears are all dry.  I 

don’t see you the same

I found me again without you here         seems to be the only time I can - when I stop yelling for

you to see me…

The dog watches me sing Chris Stapleton out loud; not the song

you might hope                           with my eyes closed.