I thought I’d go on holiday

Now the sun it starts to shine,

As weather now in England is really rather fine

To avoid the sunstroke I thought I’d go abroad

As it’s cooler there now these days and if stops me getting bored

 

So off to the station with my suitcase and my trolley

But because I am an Englishman I always take my brolly.

Of course I had forgotten the trains were all on strike

So to get me to the airport I had to hire a bike

 

3 days on the motorway I’m peddling very hard

I’ve fallen off a few times and my legs are all now scarred

Eventually at Heathrow to finally catch my plane

Just to find it’s cancelled on dear ,what a shame,

 

I call the friendly mobster to hire a rubber  boat

To get me into France , I hope it stays afloat

Apparently it’s free when you’re going back to France

So with my trusty suitcase I thought I’d take a chance.

 

No border check, hooray, as I land at ‘ friendly’ Calais

"Zis way my friend" the Gendarme  says , your taxi here is ready

It whisks me all the way to Frances Southern border.

They obviously don’t want Englishmen , cluttering up the order.

 

So onward to my  villa , in nice cool southern Spain

Whereas we all know , it rains mainly on the plain.

Driving  up the dusty road I meet the owner with a frown.

I’m very sorry sir but your Villas just burnt down !

 

I think next year, I’ll just remain at home

Potter in my garden and disconnect the phone,

Pour my self an ice cold beer , and disregard the trains

As we all know by Wednesday it’ll piss it down with rain!

 

18/07/2022 11.00-11:27