It was my first day at the Woolgrowers,

So, they gave me a special job.

I was holidaying from university,

And they thought I was a knob!

“Go to the warehouse, Johnny,

The boss needs a long weight.”

Well, being such a bright spark,

I did as I was told…

Standing at the storeroom doorway

Until I was numb with cold.

 

“Excuse me, can I have a long weight?”

I interrupted the manager,

And I emitted a nervous cough.

“You’ve had your long wait, laddie,

So now you can just fuck off!”

 

Newcomers soon become old hands.

I hardened my heart to new recruits,

Sending them to the stores for ‘long stands,’

Or, better still, for a new glass hammer.

Banter begot banter and it passed the time,

Between eight o’clock and five.

 

We owned an adjacent orchard,

Where lorry drivers were shown,

In absolute mock seriousness,

The trees where the wool was grown!

I did as I was done by.

I accepted the spirit of the time…

But was this workforce bullying,

Tantamount to a crime?