A Portal to My Past

When I was eighteen

We met at a club through a mutual friend

We kissed, danced, laughed and smiled

We wouldn't let the night end

 

I liked you

And you liked me

But not in the way— that I wanted you to

 

And when it ended —you were honest 

In a way— no man has ever been honest with me before

I respect you for that now—but my eighteen year old ego couldn’t handle it

As at the time— I desperately wanted more

 

So when I later met your brother

I made out with him— to get back at you

And you were upset—and I felt bad about it— but was also somewhat satisfied

Because causing you hurt is what I intended to do

 

Over the years we had some fleeting contact

At parties—we had forgiven each other—and we laughed like we always did together

Then everyone got older—and gained new responsibilities and life transitions

I guess those parties couldn’t last forever

 

Later—I saw you online

When I hadn’t see you for many years

I wanted to say hello

And perhaps catch up— over a cuppa or some beers

 

But I hesitated

And let go of the idea

And then later dreamt about our time together— and all the times from our teens and twenties

It felt so real

It felt so near

 

So I looked you up— to gently suggest a catch up

And we did

At 36 you’d married twice

Followed by hard break ups and 2 kids

 

You put on a lot of weight

But I still found you cute and sweet

From the minute I parked my car and saw you

 We knew we were both were so happy to meet

 

I told you I’d traveled

Became a Nurse Practitioner

Tried and exited a few relationships

Still single—and child free

We reminisced on old friendships we had still kept

And the ones that could not be

 

We drank whiskey and smoked a joint

And you showed me what would become transformative wetlands

With an accompanied adventure that would not disappoint

 

We ran across the road in our hometown in the dark

In to the Spring air

And to a nearby park

 

And  ambitiously launched ourselves in to the water drains to see who could ‘Cooee’ with the most zest

Looking out from the dark like cats peering into the wild flowers and moonlight 

Such wonderful ways to regress

 

You thanked me for helping you to get out of your shell

And I thanked you for helping me to get out of mine

We were kind about each others journey

And made up for lost time

 

We talked about everything

And started watching an old school horror movie 

To live again— what we did our teens

And unpeeled our clothes off playfully— because it felt right

And to enjoy everything in between

 

We talked about our gratitude for each other

And what we had in the past and presently shared

This was never a ‘relationship’ per se

But we always appreciated and cared

 

I’m sick of setting expectations and making labels

Who cares how how long this lasts

Because right now— this feels fun and nostalgic

You are a beautiful portal to my past