But sir, it wasn’t us, that’s so unfair!

We’ve only been in power for thirteen years,

It was those nasty Europeans, there,

Made of Britannia such a great pig’s ear.

It wasn't Hunt spelled with a C who wrote

That pamphlet saying “Kill the NHS”,

It was those forinners in small rubber boats,

That made the UK an omnishambolic mess.

Oh look at that, a dead cat in the street!

Ignore those corrupt sods in the House of Lords,

Those scrounging nurses; my, how they do bleat!

Those sick folk, how they block up all the wards!

It’s not our fault our beaches are open sewers,

That our inland waterways are full of turds,

That forinners now can’t get work as veggie pickers,

That our exports to the EU are down by two thirds.

Nothing’s our fault: it’s the EU taking revenge!

They’re plotting to make us all eat magic mushrooms

We’ll be eating straight bananas at Stonehenge,

While that elephant roams around our living room.

Welcome to J.R. Moggy’s sunlit uplands,

It’s all too bloody good to be true,

Don’t you just wish you had him as a husband,

So like the UK, you could be well and truly screwed?