I’m betting this morning you started to grieve

When you heard on the telly he’s going to leave

They’d given the old git the big hey-ho heave

It’s Willoughby One Schofield Nil

There’d be no more Holly and Phil.

 

They’d been co-presenters for 20-odd years

But Time waits for no man as Destiny nears

Don’t bother with hankies to dry up your tears

He’ll no doubt have made loadsa lolly

From now on, though, no Phil with Holly.

 

It didn’t bode well when they jumped Lizzie’s queue

And pushed in up front for a privileged view

While thousands stood patiently (and Beckham too!)

But this pair avoided the mill

Of the throngs did Holly and Phil.

 

The die it was cast when his brother Tim

Got sent down for doing some stuff pretty grim

It wasn’t so much that Willoughby’s prim

But that betraying her trust was his folly

It’s “Time’s Up” for Phil but not Holly.

 

So gone are the giggles which started your day

The double entendres that Gino might say

And no more your husband’s “I knew he was gay”

For Schofield the bitterest pill

It’s no more Holly and Phil.