Mother told me never to snore,

And not to raid the biscuit jar.

Yet more advice which didn’t get far.

She said, “I can’t raise you anymore.

 Take problems to your girlfriend’s door!”

 

“A tuppenny pie,” my mother said,

“Always costs fourpence once you’re wed!”

She said, “When the bills come in,

Just stay in your bed!

And if bailiffs arrive, say ‘Do your worst!’

Make sure to get retaliation in first.”

 

Mother told me that I must be ‘good’,

Though what ‘good’ meant she didn’t say.

“And, if you can’t be good, be careful!”

“Don’t write that poem,” Mother said.

“No one will read it anyway!”

 

“Love many, trust few,

Always paddle your own canoe!”

 

“You’re a long time dead,"

My mother said.