it's my birthday on OCTOBER 3RD. 

i will be 21. 

i've lived a little more than i ever did before.

i saw the inside of my head from a first persons perspective. 

i know who i am, but i am extremely scared to lose her. 

my sister is my soulmate and my friends are my angels.

my throat hurts more than last year from the cigarettes and the screaming. 

my heart hurts alot more than last year from the lonlieness.

my eyes don't see the way they should but theyre slowly coming into focus. 

the mistakes i made will stay with me forever. 

i'm not sure if i can forgive myself. 

i want to love me, i want to be me. i wish i was me. 

i miss my parents and i miss my doctor. 

i miss that boy from the party i went to last week. 

i hope the next year is good, i think i deserve it.