Do you remember when were both young boys, James

us running through apple tree orchards where we both lived in Kent?

Tasting the apples made cider in the town pub?

Do you remember that hot summer night

when your friend  fell over us as we sat on that sofa?

His body spread over our laps

My hands threw themselves up in the air

that momentary jolt

then both pairs landed on his then twenty-something body

It felt as soft as any fruit

Do you remember telling me that it was just the cider talking?

 

But for me it was more than that

It was an awakening

I did not need cider when I had you in my sights

You became the apple of my eye

 

My affection for you grew over the next decade as we carried on the legacy

of both our family trees and the generations before us

Remember my grandmother  speaking affectionately of picking apples by the crate as a child

Endless summers spent hop and apple picking

‘Don’t wait to get older to live out your dreams’ she said

as she looked over my shoulder at me drawing what was in front of me

and what I saw in my head

Stand tall and strong when the apple orchard sours

Do you remember that day when you told me you were moving away

to marry your childhood sweetheart?

 

For me it was more than that

An ending marks a beginning

The end of any hope that you would return my gaze

But the beginning of my new queer life

as I caught  the next fast train to London