Hot guy on The Tube cutest cub all day seen

And when he gets off leaves behind his magazine

It’s an NME mag from 2003

Reminds me of  gay night at  Benjys and who I used to be

Flip through the pages

Remember people and things

And when the train get to Mile End, my story begins

 

Get ready for action get out of the Tube

With my cash and my condoms and plenty of lube

For Benjy’s the nightclub 2002

A dance floor of stories I share them with you

 

Right on the corner there waiting my friend

Out of the station, out of Mile End

Pay our two quid to the man on the door

Head straight to  the bar to the sticky dancefloor

 

Through tunnels of  chrome and Egyptian sphinx 

Top unbutton my shirt and spray on some Lynx

I’m gonna get lucky I’m gonna methinks

As I get to the bar and I get in the drinks

 

It’s late Sunday nighty with DJ Andy Almighty

His music is banging it’s half past eleven

He’s playing  M People and One Night in Heaven

 

He’s spinning the decks as I’m downing the ciders

Men spinning their webs, we’re dancing like spiders

 

Screw all the bullies who once called me a chunk

That one night in Benjy’s I pulled me a hunk

I got myself lucky with skater boi punk

His hair felt so sexy made spiky with gunk

 

We’re alone in the gents now a little bit drunk

of Givenchy Pour Homme. I liked how he stunk

Then the bulge in his jeans immediately shrunk

seeing the stains on the carpet all covered in spunk

I’m back dancing alone with my best mate Dunc

Cos plans of me taking punk home in the River Lea sunk

 

Maybe it wasn’t the carpet that caused him to run

Did he run right away seeing the hair up my bum?

True. Hardly the news to tell Dad and my Mum

London Uni rear of that year, yeah,  my bottom it won

 

Dad laughed and he cried and mum laughed and she burst

I got a 2.1 degree but my bum got a first

 

Spinning our webs, throwing some shapes,

Video screens. Videotapes

Giving it large, giving it long

To Liberty X , that week’s number one song

 

 

Dunc’s part time gay. First chorus we kissed

He said it okay cos right then he was pissed

Always thought he was a beautiful opportunity missed

Took my chances 3rd chorus, he pushed me away,

Looked at me dirty said I’m not a gay’

Left me there standing. I punched the air with my fist

 

Back on the floor and I’m losing my knees

I can’t drink any more but I’m wanting some sleaze

Sniff some more poppers and take some more Es

I’m pissed, I’m a cub and  I fancy this bear

Let’s get out of this club and get home to his lair

 

Everything banging but then it all stops

Spiders frozen in time. Silence drops

All of us spiders wonder what’s wrong

Gone everything all Pete Tong

 

Starting to sweat

Never forget

Memories come back

Admiral Duncan attack

Three years before

Three dead on the floor

What’s going on?

Another nail bomb?

 

Spider to spider, ‘what this about?’

Then DJ Andy yells:

‘Spiders! Newsflash!  Him off Pop idol! He’s come out!’

 

I stand thinking there of a gay Gareth Gates

He reminds me of Danny one of my mates

Same spiky black hair and same sexy dark eyes

But Gareth I thought, well that’s a surprise

But then I discovered that I had been stung

The Pop Idol come out was a Mr Will Young

 

Didn’t fancy the late night Benys amateur strip

So I put on my coat and I do up the zip

 

Going home on my own on the number 8,

I thought about Danny. Why is he straight?

If you fancy a straight and you are a gay

Twenty years later, what I want to say:

‘Where there’s a Will …. there’s a Gareth

And where there’s a Gareth there’s a way’