My father asks me if i am lonely 

I cannot bring myself to tell him 

that I always have been. 

I find the wickeness to let him know

that I feel the most lonely when he speaks to me.

 

I do not think lonely describes what it is like to be 

without you in my life.

Father, I am lost. 

Father, I have become too familiar with this ache.

Father, I know that what I had with the boy 

means that I will forever be lost.

Father, I will search for him in everything I will ever love

and ever come to love.

Father, it meant that much.

 

Please, father, teach me to be strong.
Teach me how to move on.

Father, I am trying. 

I am trying to find a direction

I keep coming back to the boy father.

I keep coming back to his hands.

I keep coming back

I am always there.

I am always with him.

 

Father, please

you taught me dedication

you taught me worship

you taught me forgivneness

you could never teach me through this.

 

Father, I had never felt this type of lonely before I met him.

Father, he knew me.

Father, I knew him.

Father, now I know that loneliness.

Father, do you understand?

 

Father, I am not lonely,

I am with people

I find him in others

and in others I find entirely new familiarities. 

Father, how could I ever feel lonely?

Do you see all of these beautiful memories I have collected 

in the mean time

in the time between the boy

and now

and when the boy returns.

 

Father, do you see how much I have achieved?