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STAIRLIFT TO HEAVEN

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(A re-post from when I wrote this about old people.  These days it could be me)

 

There’s a lady out there

And she can’t climb the stairs

At her bedtime which is

Half past seven;

She was lured was Aunt Hannah

By the junkmail from Stanner

Into buying their Stairlift

To Heaven.

 

But she found it so slow

When she needed to go -

Half an hour on the Stairlift

To Heaven;

So from ground to first floor

She just found it a bore

Like a rainy weekend on

Lochleven.

(But she's lumbered with

The Stairlift to Heaven).

 

So for her own special treat

She’s adapted the seat;

Now she rides up and down

Till eleven;

She sits on her mobile phone

Which is set to vibro-tone

So she no longer needs

Uncle Kevin.

(No she no longer needs

Uncle Kevin).

 

Oooohhh! And it makes me wonder!

“Oooohhh!” She moans like thunder!

 

Now this ending will shock you

‘Cos in partnership with Nokia

She’s provided them both with

A rare gift;

A joint marketing banner

Used by Nokia and Stanner,

“Get the ride of your life

On our Stairlift”.

🌷(8)

◄ TRANSUBSTANTIATION

ALFIE THE PROPERTY MAGNATE ►

Comments

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John Coopey

Sat 30th Mar 2024 08:45

Thankyou, Stephen. And, in the words of the Master Lyricist Benny Hill “Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control have already been born?”

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Stephen Gospage

Fri 29th Mar 2024 16:46

A winner here, John. In the words of Tony Hancock 'now that I've read it, I'm going to recommend they ban it,'

By the way, why do all the people in stairlift ads on TV look about 40 and tanned? I think we should be told.

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John Coopey

Thu 28th Mar 2024 19:13

Glad you enjoyed it, Landi.

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Landi Cruz

Thu 28th Mar 2024 17:07

I picked this up in the middle of the night, no daily news to cloud my humor, and I laughed out loud )

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John Coopey

Thu 28th Mar 2024 16:52

Thanks for your thoughts, MC. And for the Likes, Ghazala, Jennifer and Holden.

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M.C. Newberry

Thu 28th Mar 2024 15:59

An elevator vibrator? What next?! But this gives a sure "lift" to
the spirits on a dull day. "Stairway to Paradise" is a song title
that I'm amazed hasn't been grabbed for your use, JC ! 😎

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