Sun in my eyes

Warmth on my face

It’s a surprisingly warm day for March

I’m on the beach at Clacton

Mum is on a cruise around the Med with Aunty Jan

They are on the top deck

sipping Malibu and coke

Topping up their tan

Sun in their eyes

That’s what I tell myself

 

Every time I get the sun in my eyes

I think of Mum

 

From that photo of her

before she had me

taken on a boat

out at sea

Sun in her face

Basking in its rays

Long hair

blowing in the wind

 

To the memory of

us both sunbathing

in her garden

and then the memory of

pushing her in a wheelchair

around the hospital garden

and parking it in the sun

to both eat ice cream

 

She messaged me soon after from her laptop on her kitchen table:

 

‘A nurse did an ECG and weighed me and then I saw Dr - very pleased with me

He said I wouldn’t have to have ECG tomorrow at our Drs as just had it done today.

So a free day and dad can do the garden. Can't wait to sit out there again and have a Magnum at 3.’

 

A memory that was never meant to be

 

Every time the sun is now in my eyes

and though Mum is on a cruise

with Aunty Jan,

she is with me

and still with me

when clouds block the sun

and when there is no sun

That’s what I remind myself

whilst eating a Magnum

when I can at 3

so that memory and

new memories

can be made

 

Let the memory of my Mum be the fire in my belly.