Sunflowers perfume, eau de toilette

Mum’s favourite by Elizabeth Arden

When I catch its scent, the memory I get

is embarrassment in my mate’s garden

In the Eighties, we both lived in rural Kent,

just outside the village of Marden

I once caught him gardening in the nude,

my good mate Gary Barden

Little seeds in me had been sewn by he

I said ‘Ooh, I beg your pardon’

Gary’s veg display gave to me

unexpectedly a hard-on

When he asked if I liked what I did see,

I stumbled in me jargon

Out me coat, I got out my car key

Drove quick off in my Volkswagen

Shame I then went floppy, rather wilt

In German, ‘Freude Schaden’

Little seeds, big dreams

When men in kilt,

I see beneath the tartan.