WRONG ROAD ROUN' (An Urban Villanelle)
(In response to Greg Freeman's call-out for villanelles, I re-post this effort of mine from 2014. It tells of the cardinal sin a raw recruit would only ever make once when he entered a hand-filled coal face for the first time)
“There’s no bigger, silly bastard undergroun’
A disgrace to thee, ‘is mam an’ ‘is class
‘E took ‘is fuckin’ shovel wrong road roun’.
We’d walked back in once t’shotties fired their roun’
An’dep’ty said as we wa’ clear o’ gas
There’s no bigger silly bastard undergroun’.
So 27 colliers knelt down
An’ crawled their way through props an’ bars just as
‘E shouts, “Mi fuckin’ shovel’s wrong road roun’”.
The fuckin’ pog’s that tight it wain’t turn roun’
There wa’n’t the fuckin’ space to let ‘im pass
There’s no bigger silly bastard undergroun’.
At fust we thought we took ‘im fo’ a clown
The silly bastard’s grinnin’ like a lass
‘E’d took ‘is fuckin’ shovel wrong road roun’.
Twenty fuckin’ minutes out an’ in-bound
That silly twat o’ thine ‘as cost us brass
There’s no bigger silly bastard undergroun’.
‘E took ‘is fuckin’ shovel wrong road roun’.”
John Coopey
Wed 3rd Apr 2024 08:38
Thankyou, Greg, David and Stephen.
I set this scene in the Miners Welfare as a collier rants at my dad while we sit drinking after after my shiftus horribilis.
Seams really were so tight that men had to shovel coal onto a conveyor behind them by lying on their side. Before the National Day Wage Agreement men were paid for the tonnage of coal they shifted. So for a whole face team to have to crawl out to let some twat turn his shovel round cost them time and money.
The language would be authentic - there was no-one more helpful than miners for pointing out your shortcomings.
And thanks for the Like, Bethany.