It’s been a source of huge regret

That’s always bothered me

I never had a girlfriend with

An Eddie Tupper “V”.

 

I’ve loved girls who had long dark hair

And cocker spaniel eyes

But never dated anyone

With Eddie Tupper thighs.

 

I’ve loved girls who were graduates

Intelligent and wise

I’d swop that in a heartbeat though

For Eddie Tupper thighs.

 

And factory girls with nimble hands

From stitching hems and seams

But nothing beats the view atop

The legs of Wrangler jeans.

 

Or women who were twice my age

(And some were twice my size)

Who knew love’s moves but didn’t have

Those Eddie Tupper thighs.

 

And girls with perfect figures

But nothing cannot cap

The lure and the attraction of

The Eddie Tupper gap.

 

If I could turn the hands of Time

Reversing how it flies

Please God might grant one girl to me

With Eddie Tupper thighs.